By Guy Winch, Ted Talk

"​We'll go to the doctor when we feel flu-ish or a nagging pain. So why don't we see a health professional when we feel emotional pain: guilt, loss, loneliness? Too many of us deal with common psychological-health issues on our own, says Guy Winch. But we don't have to. He makes a compelling case to practice emotional hygiene — taking care of our emotions, our minds, with the same diligence we take care of our bodies."

Setting meaningful goals can help manage symptoms of anxiety and depression. By setting meaningful goals, you eliminate feelings of being lost or stagnant in life and create a clear path for achieving your goals. This clear path and your connection to the "why" will help you stay motivated by keeping your focus on achieving such a meaningful goal. You'll have the ability to visualize your success. 

The Myths

• We are just talking about depression. Experts now understand that women experience a range of symptoms and disorders that include anxiety, OCD, panic disorder, and post-traumatic stress disorder. And some of the most common symptoms—such as rage and anxiety—look nothing like the sad woman on the hospital brochure for PPD.
• We are just talking about the postpartum period. Half of all PMADs develop during pregnancy. And treating them in pregnancy lowers the chance that a woman will experience a disorder after pregnancy. Plus, a woman can experience these conditions any time in the 12 months after giving birth.
• This is your fault. Nope. This is a medical condition, and—while the cause of these conditions is not well understood—experts do know that the hormonal fluctuations that occur during and after pregnancy leave some women susceptible to developing them. And there are other risk factors—such as financial stress, poor social support, a history of trauma or a mood disorder or anxiety disorder—that can increase the likelihood that a woman will develop a PMAD. But anyone can develop one.
• You don’t love your baby. Women with PMADs are no different than any other mothers in how much they love their children. They just have a medical condition that means the beginning of motherhood is a much greater struggle than it needs to be.
• You just have to get through it. These conditions do not resolve on their own without treatment. You should have whatever support you need to feel strong, and there are risks to moms and babies when these conditions go untreated.
• The only treatment is drugs that you cannot take during pregnancy or breastfeeding. Actually, one of the most effective treatments for anxiety is cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and there are many other kinds of psychotherapy that are effective. There are also supplements and medications that can be used safely during pregnancy and breastfeeding under the care of an experienced clinician.
• You are a danger to your baby. You have probably heard stories of women who have harmed themselves or their babies. Though rare, these tragedies get a lot of media attention and often the media assumes a mother has postpartum depression. In fact, the majority of these rare events occur when a woman is suffering from untreated postpartum psychosis, an extremely rare but treatable psychiatric emergency in which a woman experiences a break from reality and may believe things that are not true or see and hear things that are not there.

The Facts

• Some 15 to 21 percent of women will have depression or anxiety during pregnancy.
• Eighty percent of women will have the “baby blues”—a period of mood swings, weepiness, and feeling overwhelmed in the first two weeks after giving birth. When symptoms go beyond two weeks there is a chance she is experiencing a perinatal mood or anxiety disorder (PMAD)
• One in seven women will experience a PMAD with symptoms that affect their day-to-day functioning anytime in the year after giving birth.
• About the same number of women who have adopted a baby will experience post-adoption depression.
• One to two in 1000 women will experience postpartum psychosis (which often shows up in the first four weeks after delivery). Very few of those women will harm themselves or their children. But there is a risk they could, so postpartum psychosis requires immediate medical care.
• All of these conditions have effective treatments that work surprisingly quickly. With the right care, you can feel so much better in a relatively short period of time.

​What This Means: That becoming a mother is a stressful event. In fact, pregnancy itself is actually considered a “stressor” in the medical literature. Struggle is going to be part of the process. It’s like labor and delivery. It is a tremendous physical and emotional undertaking to bring a person into the world. We accept that physical pain and other medical complications can be part and parcel of making and birthing a human being. Why do we think our brains would get away Scott-free? That doesn’t make sense.

"I used to think the whole purpose of life was pursuing happiness. Everyone said the path to happiness was success, so I searched for that ideal job, that perfect boyfriend, that beautiful apartment. But instead of ever feeling fulfilled, I felt anxious and adrift. And I wasn't alone; my friends -- they struggled with this, too.

Eventually, I decided to go to graduate school for positive psychology to learn what truly makes people happy. But what I discovered there changed my life. The data showed that chasing happiness can make people unhappy. And what really struck me was this: the suicide rate has been rising around the world, and it recently reached a 30-year high in America. Even though life is getting objectively better by nearly every conceivable standard, more people feel hopeless, depressed and alone. There's an emptiness gnawing away at people, and you don't have to be clinically depressed to feel it. Sooner or later, I think we all wonder: Is this all there is? And according to the research, what predicts this despair is not a lack of happiness. It's a lack of something else, a lack of having meaning in life

Our culture is obsessed with happiness, but I came to see that seeking meaning is the more fulfilling path. And the studies show that people who have meaning in life, they're more resilient, they do better in school and at work, and they even live longer."

Watch video below to hear more about the pillars to building a more meaningful life. 

"When I first started training for marathons a little over ten years ago, my coach told me something I’ve never forgotten: that I would need to learn how to be comfortable with being uncomfortable. I didn’t know it at the time, but that skill, cultivated through running, would help me as much, if not more, off the road as it would on it.

Research shows that, if anything, physical activity boosts short-term brain function and heightens awareness. And even on days they don’t train — which rules out fatigue as a factor — those who habitually push their bodies tend to confront daily stressors with a stoic demeanor. While the traditional benefits of vigorous exercise — like prevention and treatment of diabetes, heart disease, stroke, hypertension, and osteoporosis — are well known and often reported, the most powerful benefit might be the lesson that my coach imparted to me: In a world where comfort is king, arduous physical activity provides a rare opportunity to practice suffering.

What’s remarkable and encouraging about these studies is that the subjects weren’t exercising at heroic intensities or volumes. They were simply doing something that was physically challenging for them – going from no exercise to some exercise; one need not be an elite athlete or fitness nerd to reap the bulletproofing benefits of exercise.

The truth, cliché as it may sound, is this: When you develop physical fitness, you’re developing life fitness, too."

"We seem to do it naturally for others, but what does it mean to do it for ourselves? For me, holding space means becoming the container to experience myself; to grow, to feel, to express, to test out, to live. It is being present, treating yourself with care, consideration, kindness, compassion and love. Hearing the needs of your body and mind, feeling your emotions, and listening to the yearning of your soul. It’s a way of being, a lifestyle, a profound choice and a stand you take. It’s not a belief system, but is rather a way of being with yourself and meeting your own needs. This can be lifesaving in intimate relationships, where we can ruin a good thing by trying to make the other meet all our needs. We spend every minute of the day with ourselves. How much of it is good, supportive, and kind?"

Click on the link below to read a more in-depth description on 9 examples of how you can shape your life for the purpose of 'being there' for yourself. 

9 steps to holding space for yourself:
​1. Embracing your imperfection
2. Saying no
3. Developing boundaries.
4. Communing with yourself
5. Listening
6. Reaching for support
7. Being authentic
8. Being a good parent to yourself
9. Developing supportive rituals

"Anger is a natural, life-affirming emotion. It lets us know when a boundary has been crossed, when our needs are not being met, or when someone we care about is in danger. But when misdirected, anger can harm our physical health and our relationships. Being mindful of anger means not suppressing, denying or avoiding it and also not acting out in harmful ways. Instead, connect with the direct experience of the anger, and then decide what action you want to take.” — Jessica Morey, executive director of Inward Bound Mindfulness Education"

Here is a list of points that Ms. Morey suggests when processing anger: 

Recognize and respect that anger is happening. It’s part of the human experience.

Stop fueling the anger: Cut off the stories about how you were wronged or why your anger is justified. Instead, shift your attention to the body.

What part of your body is not feeling angry? Your feet? Your back? The breath at the tip of your nose? Are there any sensations in your body that feel neutral, even pleasant? What else is happening around you? Are there any neutral or pleasant sounds you can attend to?

Rest your attention on these sensations for a few minutes, allowing yourself to find some calm. If your mind wanders back into thinking about the anger-producing situation, come back to these neutral sensations.

Investigate the anger more directly. Where do you feel it? Is it in your chest? Your hands? Your jaw? What does the anger feel like? How do the sensations of anger change as you pay attention to them? Do any other emotions show up underneath the anger?

Explore the information this anger has for you. What is its message? What does it need? Was a boundary crossed?

Reflect on how you could skillfully respond to what is making you angry. What would be the most helpful response right now?

Finally, commit to taking whatever skillful action is needed without doing any harm — whether it’s a walk, a nap or a direct, difficult conversation.

"Meditation is a simple practice available to all, which can reduce stress, increase calmness and clarity and promote happiness. Learning how to meditate is straightforward, and the benefits can come quickly. Here, we offer basic tips to get you started on a path toward greater equanimity, acceptance and joy. Take a deep breath, and get ready to relax."

​Click below for a list of guided meditation and mindfulness exercises. 

Many times holding rigid or high expectations of pregnancy, delivery, or the postpartum period can lead to symptoms of distress. Click below to see more illustrations on how there is no "wrong or right" way to having a baby.