By Jennifer Rollin, MSW, LGSW
"From the time that we are children, many of us are told things such as, “don’t cry,” or “there’s nothing to be sad about.” As a culture we are often taught that we should try to avoid unpleasant emotions at all costs. Thus, for many the primary impulse when they are experiencing unpleasant emotions is to try to escape from their feelings, whether it is through alcohol, drugs, restricting food, binging, workaholism, busyness, compulsive sex, or a variety of other self-harming behaviors.
However, I believe that it is far healthier to “lean into” your experiences of pain, rather than trying to numb your emotions. The following are three reasons that it is important to allow yourself to process and experience your feelings."
Think Before You React
By Dr. Margi Fox
"With so many ways to have instant access to another person, it's so important for each of us to think before we immediately react by thinking through the various possible intended and unintended consequences of your actions. Your thinking impacts your emotions and colors how you see your situation. Take your own emotional temperature and if it's high give yourself a timed "time out" to calm down the intensity of whatever you are feeling. That will give you the time you need to chill so that you can then think about your thoughts. Sometimes you realize that you were thinking about the situation incorrectly or may have overreacted all together. Other times you realize that your thinking was right on track but that you may need to figure out your next steps. If you didn't hit the send button on your phone or computer, or already called or shown up then you still have time to logically think through what you need to do to be effective in the situation. Have the confidence to be your own resource.
Here are some questions you may want to keep handy.
The key is to be effective and not reactive."
10 Essential Tips for Long-Term Love
By Dr. Roni Beth Tower, ABPP
"A romantic relationship can be easily recognized by its intense and sometimes irrational driving force of emotion. Passion fuels our behavior, guides or distorts thoughts, changes physical and chemical functioning, and alters lives.
The romance might begin with a “coup de foudre," or the lightning bolt that we think of as love at first sight. The attraction can seem to have no earthly reason or explanation, and may appear to emanate from another planet, lifetime, or dimension. It could be the sort of experience that compels someone to abruptly stand up in the middle of a meeting and follow an invisible beam pointing to a person standing across a room.
Romantic love can also arise more slowly, building on a firm foundation of friendship. A base of shared history allows reason to remain in control for at least an initial critical period. It doesn't matter how you found your perfect partner; you typically know when he or she has arrived—and the rest is in the details.
But you must tend to these details to make your relationship flourish. These 10 strategies will help you nourish and sustain a close, romantic relationship."
Be Kind To Yourself
By The Scene
Two best friends wrote down the things they don't like about their own bodies. They are now going to say these comments out loud, but direct them to each other. Why do we say things to ourselves that we wouldn't ever say to (or think about) our best friends? Be a best friend to yourself.