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    • Prenatal and Postpartum Therapy
    • Reproductive Mental Health Therapy
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    • Useful Therapeutic Apps
    • Patient Portal
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21 foods to avoid when pregnant: dietitian reveals

4/15/2021

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By: Nourish with Melanie McGrice
"So you've just found out you are pregnant, congratulations!! It’s an exciting and happy time. But, it can also be very overwhelming!

​If you’re wondering which foods to avoid when pregnant, you've come to the right place. In today's episode of Nourish, prenatal dietitian Melanie McGrice reveals her list of the 21 most important foods to avoid when pregnant, and when you can eat them again.

Enjoy!"
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The Best Pregnancy Pillows for an Incredible Night’s Sleep

4/13/2021

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By: ​Hilary Braaksma
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"Pregnancy puts a lot of strain on your body, including at bedtime, which is why finding the best pregnancy pillow is so essential for many women.

Find a little relief for those aches and pains by sleeping with a pillow that’s designed to cradle and comfort your pregnant shape. The latest pregnancy pillows come in a wide array of sizes and shapes to fit your particular needs, whether you’re looking to alleviate back pain or to find a positioning solution as a stomach sleeper

From full-body styles to wedges, the options are plentiful. Some favorite brands include Boppy and Leachco, but they’re not the only brands to shop for some of the best pregnancy pillows available in 2020. Below are seven pregnancy pillows we recommend for an amazing night of sleep."

Moonlight Slumber Comfort-U Total Body Support Pillow​

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"​The Comfort-U Pillow by Moonlight Slumber cushions every curve of your aching body with Fusion Foss fiber. It feels soft and stays soft, but it also provides support where you need it most with its classic “U” shape. This is the perfect pregnancy pillow if you want to feel like you’re engulfed in a giant cloud. ($99.95; amazon.com)"

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Boppy Total Body Pillow in Ringtoss
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"Need a lift? We love the Boppy Total Body Pillow for moms who need a little extra support to ease those tired muscles and aching joints. Firmly filled and shaped to fit your pregnant curves, this maternity body pillow might just be your new best friend. ($49.99; buybuybaby.com)"

Boppy Trellis Pregnancy Wedge
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Click the Link for the Complete List of the 7 Best Pregnancy Pillows
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Exercise During Pregnancy: What's Safe?

4/8/2021

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By: Cedars-Sinai Staff| October 21, 2019​
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"The biggest misconception women have about exercising while pregnant is that they can't do it at all, says Dr. Keren Lerner, OB-GYN at Cedars-Sinai. "It's not uncommon for women to wonder if working out during pregnancy will put the baby at risk," says Dr. Lerner. "I get asked that a lot."

Not only is it safe for pregnant women to exercise, but engaging in physical activity while pregnant can be beneficial for the health of a woman and her baby.
It can reduce the risk of preeclampsia, gestational diabetes, and hypertensive disorders during pregnancy. It can also minimize discomfort.
The American Pregnancy Association recommends at least 30 minutes of physical activity every day for women who have a normal, healthy pregnancy. 

The best types of workouts for pregnant women
It's important to know that not all pregnancy workouts are created equal. 
Dr. Lerner says workouts like Barre and Pilates are great because they focus on core strength, which can make the delivery and recovery process easier. 
"Prenatal yoga classes can be great for mind, body, soul, and core," Dr. Lerner says, as long as women are careful not to overextend their backs with deep bends or twists.
She also recommends swimming, especially in the third trimester.
"When there's more weight being carried, a lot of women end up with back pain," Dr. Lerner says.
"Because gravity is less of an issue in the water, women tend to be more comfortable in the pool."
No matter what workout they choose, pregnant women should drink plenty of water and take a rest if they start to feel dizzy or lightheaded while exercising.

​Workouts to avoid when pregnant
All pregnant women should avoid contact sports, as well as activities like skiing, snowboarding, rock climbing, horseback riding, and scuba diving.
If the pregnancy is high risk, women should talk to their doctor about their workout options.
Women should also seek medical advice if they get injured while exercising.
While 30 minutes of daily activity during pregnancy is recommended, women who enjoy working out aren't limited to this, Dr. Lerner says.
"Certainly those who are used to working out or have active jobs or lifestyles can endure more," Dr. Lerner says.
"They just need to be sure they're listening to their bodies." 
Finish Reading Exercise During Pregnancy: What's Safe?
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Perinatal Mental Health: How to Tell if You're Struggling With Mental Health During Pregnancy and Postpartum

4/5/2021

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"How can you tell if you're struggling with mental health during pregnancy and postpartum?"
By: Women's College Hospital
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7 Simple Habits to Protect Your Mental Health

3/29/2021

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"Lifestyle changes to improve and prevent symptoms of depression and anxiety." 
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By: Sarah Greenberg, MFT
  • "Lifestyle changes can help people manage anxiety and depression, and take charge of their mental wellbeing.
  • Some behaviors that are linked to improving or preventing anxiety and depression include addressing sleep issues, connecting with others, eating a nutritious diet and exercising.
  • Change can be hard, especially for those with anxiety or depression, so it's important to be kind to yourself. 
  • The best way to care for your mental health is the approach that works best for you. In some cases, professional help may also be needed."
"When Roy came to see me for longstanding symptoms of depression and anxiety (they often co-occur), he was hesitant at best. He wanted to feel better, but “getting treatment” didn’t fit with his narrative for what he was “supposed to be doing as a grown man” in his culture. He had a decent, consistent job, but felt his life lacked meaning and joy. He was so hard on himself and avoided others for fear of judgement.

I knew he’d run the other way if I jumped too quickly into a medical referral or diagnosis, so we started with the most human approaches — connecting about what was really going on for him, and exploring readily available lifestyle changes that aligned with his interest, motivation, and values. Within weeks, his spark started to come back, and within months he felt he had a new lease on life. He wasn’t suddenly happy all the time. But he felt a new sense of his capacity to take charge of his mental health.

Will everyone have an outcome like Roy from lifestyle changes? Definitely not — anxiety and depression are complex conditions with tremendous individual variation, varied underlying causes, and varied levels of severity. But can everyone benefit from learning the foundation for how to care for their mind either separately or as an adjunct to professional treatment? I believe so.

The following seven health behaviors are key ones linked to prevention or symptom improvement of anxiety and depression. 

While everything on this list is simple, it’s far from easy. Change is hard. And if you currently have depression or anxiety, it can be especially challenging. That’s why one of the key behaviors is being kind to yourself. 

If moved to do so, choose one area to work on at a time, perhaps an area you feel especially motivated or confident to address, or an area that feels aligned with your most important values. Then take it one step at a time. The funny thing about change is we often don’t know it’s happening, we just keep rowing in the right direction, and usually after a few, or a few thousand, twists and turns, we look back in awe at how far we’ve come. 

1. Sleep 

While 10-18% of adults in the U.S. experience chronic sleep issues, this number jumps to 65-90% of those with depression, and over 50% of those with generalized anxiety disorder. Of those with depression, 65% had sleep issues first. Addressing sleep issues can alleviate symptoms of mental health conditions, and given sleep problems are a risk factor for mental health conditions, can also help protect your mental health. 

There are many resources to help improve your sleep, such as this free app.

2. Self-Compassion

A disposition that tends towards self-critical, or perfectionistic, can be a risk factor for anxiety and depression. This can include feeling like you must be perfect to be accepted, an inability to accept flaws within yourself, intense self-scrutiny, or an unrealistic sense of others’ expectations and your capacity to meet them. 
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Despite the fear of many who have this characteristic, the antidote to perfectionism isn’t letting it all go, or saying goodbye to standards – it’s self-compassion. According to researcher Kristen Neff, self-compassion has three components: self-kindness vs. self-judgment, common humanity vs. isolation, mindfulness vs. overidentification. How we treat ourselves through the ups and downs of life can have a tremendous impact on health and mental health.

3. Social Connection

From the time we are born, we need social connection in order to thrive. 
A recent study lead by researchers at Harvard sought to understand what could most protect us from depression that is within our control. After analyzing over 100 potential factors, they found that social connection was by far the most important protective factor. 
​
It’s been a lonely year for many. And many are anxious at the prospect of going back to normal. But connection doesn’t mean a big party or bustling office. It can be confiding in one trusted person about how you’re really doing, listening to how someone else is really doing, giving a meaningful thank you, or having a (safe) visit with any family member or friend. If this feels out of reach, try making a short list of people who at any point have given you a sense of belonging. Other studies have shown that just calling positive relationships to mind can have a positive impact on our capacity to tolerate stress."
Finish Reading the 7 Simple Habits to Protect Your Mental Health
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5-Minute Meditation You Can Do Anywhere

3/25/2021

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"​In just 5 minutes you can reset your day in a positive way."
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The Psychic Toll of a Pandemic Pregnancy

3/23/2021

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"Women who had Covid while expecting experienced guilt, shame and unhealthy levels of stress."
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Kate Glaser and her 4-month-old baby at home. “I was going down a rabbit hole of guilt and stress,” Glaser said about testing positive for Covid-19.Credit...Mustafa Hussain for The New York Time
By Katharine Gammon | December 14, 2020
"Kate Glaser had chalked up her exhaustion to being 39 weeks pregnant and having twin toddlers in the house. She also wondered whether her flulike symptoms were a sign that she was about to go into labor. But when she woke up one morning with a 100.4-degree fever, she called her doctor and got a rapid Covid-19 test.

Two nurses came to deliver her results to her in the waiting room. They were dressed in full gowns, masks, face shields and gloves.

“I knew by the eerie silence and the way they were dressed that I was Covid positive,” she said. “It was an emotional moment; I felt really disappointed and shocked and, as a mom, I felt a lot of guilt. What did I do wrong?”

Glaser, who lives in the Buffalo, N.Y., area, returned home and isolated from her husband and the twins in her bedroom, where she spent hours mentally replaying all her activities leading up to the positive test result. She also made a public post on her Facebook page about her positive status, and what she was feeling — guilt, embarrassment and panic. The post went viral, and Glaser started hearing from women around the world who were pregnant and worried about Covid-19. The majority of the of the 2,300 comments she received were supportive; a few were harshly critical.

“I was going down a rabbit hole of guilt and stress,” Glaser said, adding that for her, as much as the physical symptoms were bad, the mental stress of Covid was much worse.

Prolonged stress can have real consequences on pregnant people even outside of a pandemic and has been tied to low birthweight, changes in neurological development and other health impacts in children. And the pressure associated with a positive Covid-19 test increases these mental health risks.

The anxiety is not without reason. As of November 30, there have been more than 42,000 cases of coronavirus reported in pregnant women in the U.S., resulting in 57 maternal deaths. U.S. health officials have said pregnancy increases the risk of severe disease for mother and child, and being coronavirus-positive in late pregnancy may increase the rate of preterm birth.

Prenatal care and birth plans are also disrupted by a positive test result. “Women are expressing so much fear about being infected, but also about going to the hospital, delivering and being separated from their child,” said Laura Jelliffe-Pawlowski, an epidemiologist who is the primary investigator of HOPE COVID-19, a new study that focuses on the well-being of women who are pregnant during the pandemic.

The study launched in July and will follow more than 200 women around the world, from pregnancy to 18 months postpartum, to understand how Covid-19 and the pandemic response impacts pregnancy and infant health outcomes.

Dr. Jelliffe-Pawlowski and her team have analyzed the data from the first group of women, and they are finding “absolutely incredible” levels of stress and anxiety. “Sixty percent of women are experiencing nervousness and anxiety at levels that impede their everyday functioning,” she said, citing preliminary data. “There are a number of women, particularly lower-income women, expressing how hard it is to choose to stay in a job that puts them at risk versus quitting the job and not having enough food for their baby.”

Nearly 70 percent of the participants reported feeling worried about decreasing family income and more than 22 percent worried about food insecurity (though none had experienced it at the time of the survey). Dr. Jelliffe-Pawlowski worried that women were not necessarily getting the psychological care they needed: “If you can’t feed your family, seeking out mental health care is not your top priority.”

She also said more than 84 percent of women reported moderate to severe anxiety about giving birth during a pandemic. “Many women do not want to get tested because they will be stigmatized or separated from their baby or not allowed to have people in the room to support them,” she said. She added that similar visiting rules often hold true for babies in the NICU after being born preterm during the pandemic: Only one parent can be present in a 24-hour period. “It’s heart-wrenching to see families go through those choices.”

Dr. Jelliffe-Pawlowski is particularly interested in how stress impacts births and long-term outcomes for children as psychological stress is highly associated with preterm birth. After the attacks of September 11, 2001, the risk of preterm births almost doubled for people living near or working at the site of the fallen towers. She’s also concerned about long-term effects of stress and anxiety on maternal bonding during the pandemic.

Margaret Howard, a psychologist at Women & Infants Hospital in Providence and postpartum depression researcher at Brown University thinks it is absurd for pregnant women who test positive for an infectious virus to bear any guilt or stress associated with their diagnosis: “Are moms in a special category where they are expected to not get Covid? What about a sinus infection? Hay fever? Cancer? Why is Covid a moral failing for mothers?”

When Erica Evert, a pregnant mom in northern Virginia, received her postive Covid-19 test result, it didn’t make sense. She was near the end of her pregnancy, and hadn’t left the house in four and a half months, except for ob-gyn appointments to check on the baby.

“My first thought was, is this a false positive? I feel fine. And my second reaction was to start bawling,” said Evert. She was scheduled to have a cesarean section with her second baby and the test was merely a formality — until it was a life-changing event.
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The hospital gave her a choice: She could deliver the next day and be treated as a Covid-19 patient — separated from her baby with no skin-to-skin contact, per the hospital’s policies. Or she could wait 10 days from the date she received the positive test result and deliver with her regular plan. She had four hours to make a choice she wasn’t expecting. “I kept thinking: am I going to make a decision that results in my child dying?” said Evert."
Finish Reading the Psychic Toll of a Pandemic Pregnancy
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A Dietitian's Guide To Eating During Each Trimester of Pregnancy | You Versus Food | Well+Good

3/15/2021

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"Registered Dietitian Tracy Lockwood Beckerman gives tips on the most nutritious foods to eat to support your baby in each trimester of your pregnancy."
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The Surprising Truth About How Long Postpartum Depression Lasts

3/8/2021

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By: Catherine Pearson | 10/28/2020
​"It's not just right after giving birth. A new study shows that for a significant number of moms, symptoms persist for years."
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PHOTOALTO/FREDERIC CIROU VIA GETTY IMAGES
"When Jane gave birth to her baby 10 years ago, she very quickly began experiencing significant postpartum depression. It felt as though her brain had been abruptly “rewired,” and her symptoms grew worse over time.

“It felt like there was this thing in me that took root and grew,” said Jane, 47, who asked to use only her first name for this story. “Especially feeling suicidal. Those thoughts had a life of their own.”

As the months passed after giving birth, Jane found herself making clearer and clearer plans for how she’d take her own life. She recalls at one point, when her son was 3, nearly pointing out an overpass from which she could easily jump while strolling with her toddler and husband — then immediately recoiling. Not from the thought itself, but from the fact that she had almost casually given her “secret” away.

When her son turned 4, Jane finally recognized her own need to get help and got a prescription for Prozac. Practically overnight, her thoughts of suicide disappeared. And despite the fact that it was years after she had given birth, the roots of her depression felt obvious.

“For me, it could not be more clear that what I had was postpartum depression,” said Jane, who often worried she’d sound “crazy” if she opened up about what she was experiencing — particularly because she adored her son. “It felt almost like my brain was rewired during pregnancy.”

New research published in the journal Pediatrics this week supports what parents like Jane, as well as mental health professionals who specialize in the issue, have long known: that “postpartum” depression is not just something that strikes in the weeks and months immediately following childbirth. It can last for years and grow worse with time.
In the study, which tracked 5,000 mothers in New York over time, one-quarter of the women experienced elevated depression symptoms at some point in the three years after giving birth.

Of course, up to 80% of new moms experience some version of the so-called “baby blues” in the first few weeks after delivery. They may feel sad, anxious and cry a lot. Their moods may shift rapidly as their hormones fluctuate and they learn to care for a vulnerable new infant on extremely little sleep.

Postpartum depression may be more severe (though not always) and lasts longer, often appearing weeks after giving birth but sometimes not for a full year — or, as this new research suggests, even longer. It builds on a recent scientific review that found up to 50% of moms with postpartum depression struggle beyond the first year.

​Expanding our collective understanding of how long postpartum depression can persist is important largely because of screening.

The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists — which sets the guidelines OB-GYNs and other women’s health providers often use — recommends at least one screening for postpartum depression using an official tool or questionnaire. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends pediatricians screen for mental health issues in patients at various points in the first six months after they’ve given birth.

But that timeline may not do enough to catch those who are struggling, particularly because many patients with postpartum depression are reluctant to speak about what they’re experiencing out of a sense that their symptoms somehow mean they are bad parents.

That is why the authors of the new study clearly state that screening within the first year after giving birth is insufficient and that pediatricians should consider assessing patients for at least the first two years after they have a baby.
“We know that if a PMAD [perinatal mood and anxiety disorder] is untreated, it can continue. The symptoms can become worse, and many women can ride them right into a subsequent pregnancy,” echoed Paige Bellenbaum, chief external relations officer for The Motherhood Center, a mental health clinic based in New York City.
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Even so, Bellenbaum believes far too few pediatricians, OB-GYNs and midwives meet even the current bare minimum recommendations for screening patients for depression and anxiety — to say nothing of assessing how they’re doing years down the road."
Learn more about how long postpartum depression lasts
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The Losses We Share

3/1/2021

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Opinion| Megan Markle: The Duchess of Sussex

"Perhaps the path to healing begins with three simple words: Are you OK?"
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Art photograph by Paul Cupido, courtesy of the Danziger Gallery
"It was a July morning that began as ordinarily as any other day: Make breakfast. Feed the dogs. Take vitamins. Find that missing sock. Pick up the rogue crayon that rolled under the table. Throw my hair in a ponytail before getting my son from his crib.

After changing his diaper, I felt a sharp cramp. I dropped to the floor with him in my arms, humming a lullaby to keep us both calm, the cheerful tune a stark contrast to my sense that something was not right.
I knew, as I clutched my firstborn child, that I was losing my second.

Hours later, I lay in a hospital bed, holding my husband’s hand. I felt the clamminess of his palm and kissed his knuckles, wet from both our tears. Staring at the cold white walls, my eyes glazed over. I tried to imagine how we’d heal.
I recalled a moment last year when Harry and I were finishing up a long tour in South Africa. I was exhausted. I was breastfeeding our infant son, and I was trying to keep a brave face in the very public eye.

​“Are you OK?” a journalist asked me. I answered him honestly, not knowing that what I said would resonate with so many — new moms and older ones, and anyone who had, in their own way, been silently suffering. My off-the-cuff reply seemed to give people permission to speak their truth. But it wasn’t responding honestly that helped me most, it was the question itself.

“Thank you for asking,” I said. “Not many people have asked if I’m OK.”

Sitting in a hospital bed, watching my husband’s heart break as he tried to hold the shattered pieces of mine, I realized that the only way to begin to heal is to first ask, “Are you OK?”

Are we? This year has brought so many of us to our breaking points. Loss and pain have plagued every one of us in 2020, in moments both fraught and debilitating. We’ve heard all the stories: A woman starts her day, as normal as any other, but then receives a call that she’s lost her elderly mother to Covid-19. A man wakes feeling fine, maybe a little sluggish, but nothing out of the ordinary. He tests positive for the coronavirus and within weeks, he — like hundreds of thousands of others — has died.

A young woman named Breonna Taylor goes to sleep, just as she’s done every night before, but she doesn’t live to see the morning because a police raid turns horribly wrong. George Floyd leaves a convenience store, not realizing he will take his last breath under the weight of someone’s knee, and in his final moments, calls out for his mom. Peaceful protests become violent. Health rapidly shifts to sickness. In places where there was once community, there is now division.

On top of all of this, it seems we no longer agree on what is true. We aren’t just fighting over our opinions of facts; we are polarized over whether the fact is, in fact, a fact. We are at odds over whether science is real. We are at odds over whether an election has been won or lost. We are at odds over the value of compromise.

That polarization, coupled with the social isolation required to fight this pandemic, has left us feeling more alone than ever.

When I was in my late teens, I sat in the back of a taxi zipping through the busyness and bustle of Manhattan. I looked out the window and saw a woman on her phone in a flood of tears. She was standing on the sidewalk, living out a private moment very publicly. At the time, the city was new to me, and I asked the driver if we should stop to see if the woman needed help.

He explained that New Yorkers live out their personal lives in public spaces. “We love in the city, we cry in the street, our emotions and stories there for anybody to see,” I remember him telling me. “Don’t worry, somebody on that corner will ask her if she’s OK.”
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Now, all these years later, in isolation and lockdown, grieving the loss of a child, the loss of my country’s shared belief in what’s true, I think of that woman in New York. What if no one stopped? What if no one saw her suffering? What if no one helped?

I wish I could go back and ask my cabdriver to pull over. This, I realize, is the danger of siloed living — where moments sad, scary or sacrosanct are all lived out alone. There is no one stopping to ask, “Are you OK?”
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Losing a child means carrying an almost unbearable grief, experienced by many but talked about by few. In the pain of our loss, my husband and I discovered that in a room of 100 women, 10 to 20 of them will have suffered from miscarriage. Yet despite the staggering commonality of this pain, the conversation remains taboo, riddled with (unwarranted) shame, and perpetuating a cycle of solitary mourning."
Finish Reading OPINION: MEGHAN Markle, THE DUCHESS OF SUSSEX: The Losses We Share
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Pandemic Parenting Webinar: Losing Seasons: Coping with Canceled Youth Sports & Activities

1/11/2021

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"Winter's here - how will we continue to keep our youth active and healthy during the pandemic? Many sports have had to take a time-out due to COVID-19. Indoor activities have been cancelled, and, pandemic or not, weather doesn't always permit us to enjoy being physically active outdoors. The cancellation or delay of sports seasons have also had long-term impacts on the futures and identities of youth and young adults.

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So, as parents and caregivers, how do we keep our children active, healthy, and strong, while helping them (and us) mourn the loss of the activities that help them thrive? Join us and our guest experts as we discuss the ways to tackle these issues and help our children cope physically and mentally so that everyone "wins."

This webinar is a free event being held on Thursday January 14th from 9PM-10PM (Eastern Time).
Click here to learn more about the pandemic parenting webinar and to register for the free event
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Kids Are Anxious And Scared During The Pandemic. Here's How Parents Can Help

1/4/2021

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By: Cory Turner, Anya Kamenetz, & Meghan Keane| December 10, 2020
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Ada daSilva/Getty Images
"For the kids in our lives, the last nine months have been many things. Scary — because an invisible, unknown illness was suddenly spreading across the globe. Maybe even fun, when the possibility of school closing felt like a snow day. But for many, that novelty has given way to frustration and sadness — even depression and anxiety. Just like adults, kids are wondering: Will I get sick? Will someone I love die?

It's a lot for kids and parents to handle. So we talked to the experts and came away with five tips for how you can help your kids through this.

Make sure your kids wear their masks

"Kids generally don't get very sick from this virus," says Dr. Ashish Jha, dean of the Brown University School of Public Health. But, he says, they can still play a part in making sure others don't get sick by wearing their masks and social distancing.
It might take a little imagination. If you have younger kids, you can explain the spread of the coronavirus by comparing their mouths to a bottle of bug spray. Weird, yes — but it's one way for young ones to visualize the tiny droplets they spread, even when they aren't sick. If they wear a mask, it helps keep those droplets in.

If you've got older kids or teenagers, take this a step further: Encourage them to spread the word. Practice what they might say if they're with friends at the park and someone takes their mask off. Maybe your 13-year-old has been waiting months to see Grandma and could say, "I need to keep my Grandma safe, so do you mind putting your mask on?"
Rehearse it with your kids so the conversation goes smoothly.


Practice positive thinking and mindfulness

In a recent report, researchers interviewed 46 teenagers in California and found that the teens reported a huge sense of loss — similar to the stages of grief. Most of the teens were sleeping badly because of lack of activity and lots of screen time.

Kids of all ages — as well as their parents — can probably relate.
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In addition to the obvious prescription — trade in some of that screen time for physical exercise — try some brain exercises too, like replacing negative thoughts with positive ones. You might try saying a few things you're grateful for each night before dinner or before bed. There's evidence behind that: Gratitude boosts your immune system, lowers blood pressure and motivates us to practice healthy habits. It may feel awkward or cheesy, but practicing mindfulness and positivity very consciously can help kids and parents too.

It's also important to watch for signs of something more serious too.

"Depression in teenagers sometimes looks like a prickly porcupine. Everybody rubs them the wrong way," adolescent psychologist Lisa Damour says. Don't take it personally; just keep offering them a listening ear."
Read more about the ways you can help ease your kids fears and anxiety during the pandemic
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'I Come Up Short Every Day': Couples Under Strain As Families Are Stuck At Home

12/28/2020

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Couples are struggling to redefine their own roles as they look to navigate a pandemic that has upended many aspects of domestic life. Nicole Xu for NPR
By Rafael Nam| November 12, 2020
"Like many married and working couples first confronting the pandemic, Bianca Flokstra and Victor Udoewa tried to go on with their lives as normal.

Flokstra continued to work full time while taking care of their kids, ages 4 and 2. She also handled most of the housework, with her husband helping from time to time. It didn't work.

"Those first couple of months were really hard," Flokstra says. "There was ... a lot of fighting. A lot of tears."

The pandemic has upended many aspects of domestic life, and that has brought new attention to one of the most enduring disparities between men and women — the wide difference in handling housework and child care.

It's what Marianne Cooper, a sociologist at the Stanford VMware Women's Leadership Innovation Lab, calls one of society's most "stubborn" divides.

"The traditional gender division of labor is very durable," Cooper says. "Even the most egalitarian-thinking couples, after having children, find themselves in a much more traditional division of labor than they ever would have intended."

Cooper, who has studied the issue extensively, says that divide, which is rooted in history and perpetuated by persistent societal norms, has endured even as women have joined the workforce in larger numbers over the decades, making record gains.

Yet even as more families become dual-income households, women still do 30% more of the housework and 40% more of the child care, Cooper says.

The disparity in work done at home is now having a serious economic impact as entire families are forced home with schools closed and no child care options available.

More than 2.2 million women have left the workforce this year, far more than the 1.4 million men who have left as a result of the pandemic, according to the monthly U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics data.

Proportionally, more women were employed in sectors that were hit hard by the pandemic, including hospitality and retail.

​But Cooper, as well as many economists, says the burden placed on working moms during the pandemic is another key variable forcing many women out of the workforce.

Some couples have adapted.

Flokstra, for example, says she had little choice. She desperately needed sleep after exhausting days at a new job in international aid while also taking care of all of her other responsibilities.

She started sending the kids to her husband, unprompted. Then, she started drafting to-do lists — activities she and her husband would split day to day.

​But getting there wasn't easy. It wasn't that Udoewa wasn't willing to help; he was.

Flokstra says she had become so used to doing household chores that she found it hard to delegate — and trust — her own husband to do the job.
​
That hesitancy is surprisingly common among women, according to Cooper.

​It's a complicated mix of "mother's guilt" as well as societal expectations on couples, where men are still seen as the breadwinners."
Finish Reading about the strain on couples during the pandemic
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Stuck-At-Home Moms: The Pandemic's Devastating Toll On Women

12/21/2020

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By Pallavi Gogoi| October 28, 2020
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The number of women in the workforce overtook men for a brief period earlier this year. But the uncomfortable truth is that in their homes, women are still fitting into stereotypical roles of doing the bulk of cooking, cleaning and parenting. It's another form of systemic inequality within a 21st century home that the pandemic is laying bare. Malte Mueller/fStop/Getty Images
"Women are seeing the fabric of their lives unravel during the pandemic. Nowhere is that more visible than on the job.

​In September, an eye-popping 865,000 women left the U.S. workforce — four times more than men.

The coronavirus pandemic is wreaking havoc on households, and women are bearing the brunt of it. Not only have they lost the most jobs from the beginning of the pandemic, but they are exhausted from the demands of child care and housework — and many are now seeing no path ahead but to quit working.
​
Women have made great strides over the years: More women than men are enrolled in college, in medical schools and law schools.

The number of women in the workforce even overtook men for a brief period of three months through February this year.
But the uncomfortable truth is that in their homes, women are still fitting into stereotypical roles of doing the bulk of cooking, cleaning and parenting. It's another form of systemic inequality within a 21st century home that the pandemic is laying bare."

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​Already, their parents are getting sick and dying. Their kids are falling behind. So along with doing everything else, working becomes impossible.

"The problem is that right now a lot of women don't really have choices, right?" says Martha Gimbel, a labor economist at the nonprofit initiative Schmidt Futures. "They can't send their kids to school. Someone has to supervise the learning. Someone has to deal with the cooking. Someone has to deal with the cleaning, and it's falling onto them. And so they can't make choices that they want to make because they're being restricted in all these ways."

Women are back in 1988
The pandemic's female exodus has decidedly turned back the clock by at least a generation, with the share of women in the workforce down to levels not seen since 1988.

​
A growing, prosperous economy depends on a large and committed workforce, with women playing a vital role. If women decide to stay on the sidelines, the very dynamism of the U.S. economy is at risk as many households lose half of their earnings and productive capacity. This trend could even turn back the clock on gender equity, with harmful consequences to society and the economy.

Economists are worried.
Read more about the devastating toll the pandemic has had on women and why economists are worried
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The Surprising Effects of Pregnancy

12/14/2020

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Ted-Ed Animations| October 1, 2020| Lesson by TED-Ed, directed by Roxane Campoy and Charlotte Cambon. ​​
"Discover how pregnancy changes every organ in the body— from the heart, to the brain and kidneys— and what we still don’t know about it. -- Muscles and joints shift and jostle. The heart’s pounding rhythm speeds up. Blood roars through arteries and veins. Over the course of a pregnancy, every organ in the body changes. Initiated by a range of hormones, these changes begin as soon as a pregnancy begins. Explore what we know— and don’t know— about pregnancy's effects on the body and brain." 
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Pandemic Parenting: Co-Parenting & Single Parenting Edition

11/16/2020

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"Every family is unique in its own ways, and parents are navigating the pandemic the best way they know how. We want to shine a light on our co-parenting parents and single parents who are experiencing their own set of distinctive challenges during the pandemic and provide resources to ease the burdens they may be experiencing."

The webinar will be held on November 24, 2020 from 9:00-10:00 PM (Eastern Time) via Zoom. 

Click Here for more information about the Pandemic Parenting Webinar and to Register
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Peanut App Review | Connecting Women

11/10/2020

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App Review| May 10, 2020
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What is Peanut App
​

"Peanut App Review: Peanut App is a popular social networking app for women that connects like-minded women and enables them to share their experiences. This app creates a network where women going through similar experiences meet as well as support each other. The app is a reminder for the women during the phases of fertility, pregnancy, as well as motherhood that they are not alone.

Peanut app serves as a gift for women during their overwhelming moments. Moreover, the app allows women to share their struggles and concerns with other women who can understand their situation well and avail genuine advice. This app makes it easier for women to meet, chat, as well as learn from each other.

Features of Peanut App

Peanut offers women with a number of exciting features which makes it even more special for them. Here are some of the best features that the app offers.
  • Meet: This app encourages women to meet with new people who are going through the same phase of life as theirs. Peanut enables you to connect with many other like-minded women who are nearby. Moreover, the simple and modern design of the app makes meeting even easier. Simply, you need to sign-in and swipe. This will enable you to arrange meetups with other moms.
  • Chat: Peanut enables women to message each other and get engaged in chatting. Moreover, you can even create groups and initial engaging conversation among a number of people. Without having to go anywhere, this app gives the moms an opportunity to chat, share, and reduce their stress.
  • Join: In addition, to meet and chat, Peanut offers the women a chance to join different groups. This app enables you to join various groups on the basis of your specific interests. Moreover, you can also join groups depending on the particular neighborhood you are living in.
  • Share: Peanut gives the women a great platform to share all their anxieties, struggles, and concerns during pregnancy or motherhood. The app allows them to give as well as receive advice on various topics. Moreover, Peanut also allows the creation of polls to know the views of the majority."
Learn more about the Peanut App-Connecting Women
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Dutch researchers find Covid-19 antibodies in breast milk, call for donations

10/22/2020

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Dutch News| August 19, 2020
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Photo: Depositphotos.com
"Researchers at Amsterdam’s UMC teaching hospital and a number of other institutes have found coronavirus antibodies in the breast milk of women who have tested positive for the virus.

The research team are now looking into whether the milk could be used to prevent coronavirus infections in vulnerable people during an eventual second wave, possibly in the form of flavoured ice cubes.

hey have already found that the antibodies are not destroyed by pasteurising the milk, which is necessary to make it usable by other people.


"We think when drinking the milk, the antibodies attach themselves to the surface of our mucous membranes,’ Hans van Goudoever, head of the Emma children’s hospital at the UMC, said. ‘Then they attack the virus particles before they force their way into the body."

The UMC has now started a campaign to find 1,000 women who are willing to donate 100ml of breast milk for the research project. ‘Women who may have had coronavirus without noticing it may also have made antibodies which can be found in milk,’ Van Goudoever said. ‘So we are looking for mothers who may have been infected as well.’ Even if this turns out not to be the case, their milk can be stored for further research, if they give permission, he said.

Women who want to take part are urged to contact covid.milk@amsterdamumc.nl."

Finish Reading about Covid-19 antibodies in breast milk
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Polycystic Ovary Syndrome: What It Is, How to Manage It

10/12/2020

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​By Hilda Hutcherson| September 4, 2020
"Often misunderstood and misdiagnosed, PCOS can play havoc with your fertility. Here’s how to recognize the symptoms and take action to protect your reproductive health."
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Credit...Michelle Mildenberg
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"Caroline’s mother was concerned when she turned 15 and hadn’t had her first period. It finally came, but it wasn’t until three months later that she’d get her second. Her gynecologist assured her that irregular periods were common for someone her age, so Caroline’s mother didn’t worry. Then, at 18, her periods disappeared for six months. This time, her college ob-gyn said that the stress of college often causes menstrual periods to wane, and that the best treatment was hormonal therapy to make her periods regular. So she started taking birth control pills.

Thirteen years later, she was ready to have a baby and stopped taking them, assuming that since she was older and not under as much stress, her periods would become more regular. But they didn’t. She also noticed increased acne and facial hair. After six months of trying unsuccessfully to conceive, she started taking her temperature and using an ovulation predictor kit. Both revealed that she was ovulating infrequently and irregularly. The question was why?

Many women with irregular periods are told it’s no big deal. Even her acne and facial hair didn’t throw up a red flag. Fortunately, tests eventually led to an accurate diagnosis: she had polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS), a hormonal disorder that disrupts women’s fertility and may cause a host of other health issues. As many as 15 percent of women between 18 and 45 have PCOS, making it the most common hormonal disorder among women of childbearing age.

For this guide, I reviewed the current literature and interviewed Beth Rackow, M.D., a reproductive endocrinologist and director of the pediatric and adolescent gynecology program at Columbia University Irving Medical Center.

What to do: 
  • Know the signs and symptoms
  • Know what’s involved in diagnosing PCOS
  • Understand how PCOS may affect your fertility
  • Prepare for potential pregnancy complications if you conceive
  • Know the other health risks of PCOS
  • Consider possible treatments

Know the signs and symptoms
Polycystic ovary syndrome is a common hormonal disorder among women, yet often goes underdiagnosed by health care providers. Some women have few, if any, symptoms. Others have many — irregular or absent periods, excess facial or body hair growth (hirsutism), obesity and infertility — but they may be mistaken as signs of other health conditions.

​Irregular, unpredictable periods are one important symptom. Periods may come twice a month, be infrequent (greater than 35 days apart) or disappear for months at a time. They may be light or they may be heavy enough to cause anemia. You may suspect PCOS if you also have acne that doesn’t respond to treatment or increased growth of facial or body hair. These are signs of excess androgen hormone. Eighty percent of women with hirsutism have PCOS.

PCOS may appear as early as adolescence. “Girls with PCOS typically present when they haven’t had their first period when they should have, their periods are very infrequent or they are having frequent, heavy periods,” said Dr. Rackow.

It’s common for menses to be irregular in girls during the first year or two after the first period. Acne is also common during adolescence. However, if menstrual periods continue to be abnormal after the first two years, or if bleeding is persistently heavy at any time, an evaluation is needed."
Learn more about the misunderstood/misdiagnosed PCOS and what to do about it
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Infertility the second time around

10/5/2020

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By: Ellen S. Glazer, LICSW| February 4, 2020
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Most anyone who has struggled with secondary infertility knows that it is an incredibly lonely experience. You may be blessed with one or two children — possibly more — but struggling to expand or complete your family. Surrounded by families with young children, you find yourself alone and in pain.

If you are a veteran of primary infertility, you may remember strategies you developed for shielding yourself from the pregnancies of others. Not so this second time around: pregnant women and moms with babies and toddlers surround you at preschool.
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If you had your first child with ease and are new to infertility, you may feel even less equipped to deal with seemingly limitless fecundity. Primary infertility prepared your fellow travelers for the envy, anger, sadness, isolation, and awkwardness it brings. For you these feelings are new, and along with them comes the guilt of secondary infertility: “Why can’t I be happy with the child I have?” Today we’ll focus on ways you can cope with secondary infertility.

The first few steps to coping with secondary infertility

Seek good medical care. If you went through primary infertility, you know the ropes of the world of reproductive medicine. However, if this is all new to you, do not delay in seeking expert help. There is a lot to learn in reproductive medicine. Beginning to understand it may help you feel that you have some control of your situation. Don’t be reluctant to seek a second and even a third opinion — you will learn from each consult, and talking with a few physicians can help land you in the right place.

Try to avoid self-blame. It is tempting to blame yourself. You are a likely target if you feel you waited too long to have a second child, or perhaps blame yourself for not having your first child sooner. If you have two or more children and are struggling to complete your family, you may accuse yourself of greed. Another form of self-blame comes when parents feel they are being punished for not fully appreciating or enjoying the child they have, or worse still, being “bad” parents.

Take charge of the message. Although many people choose to have one child and feel confident with “one and done,” there is often the assumption that a family means two or more children. As a parent of one child, you are likely to frequently encounter the following questions: “Is she your only child?” or “Are you going to have more?”
It helps to figure out a short, direct, and containable message to give anyone who asks about family size. Something like, “We’re hoping to have a larger family, but it’s not been easy for us.” Or “___ is our first child, but we are hoping he/she will have a sibling before too long.”

Additional ways to cope with secondary infertility
​
Try not to focus on age. Many parents think a lot about the spacing of their children. Secondary infertility derails plans for ideal spacing — whatever that may mean to you. My advice to people is blunt: let it go. I remind clients that close or distant relationships with siblings are not defined by spacing. All of us know adults who cherish their sister or brother 10 or 15 years their junior, but argue constantly with the sibling who is within two years of their age.

Finish reading additional ways to cope with second infertility
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Black babies more likely to survive when cared for by black doctors – US study

10/1/2020

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By Nina Lakhani in New York| Mon 17 Aug 2020 16.47 EDT
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"Black babies have a greater chance of survival when the hospital doctor in charge of their care is also black, according to a new study.

In the US, babies of color face starkly worse clinical outcomes than white newborns.

Earlier research from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) published last year shows that black babies are more than twice as likely to die before reaching their first birthday than white babies, regardless of the mother’s income or education level.

While infant mortality has fallen overall in the past century thanks to improvements in hygiene, nutrition and healthcare, the black-white disparity has grown.

Multiple interrelated factors which contribute to these disparities include structural and societal racism, toxic stress and cumulative socioeconomic disadvantages.

The new study published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences suggests the race of the attending doctor also plays an important role.

Researchers reviewed 1.8m hospital birth records in Florida from 1992 to 2015, and established the race of the doctor in charge of each newborn’s care.

When cared for by white doctors, black babies are about three times more likely to die in the hospital than white newborns.

This disparity halves when black babies are cared for by a black doctor.

Strikingly, the biggest drop in deaths occurred in complex births and in hospitals that deliver relatively more black babies, suggesting institutional factors may play a role.

The study found no statistically significant link between the risk of maternal mortality – which is also much higher for black and brown women – and the race of the mother’s doctor.

Why race concordance is so important in black infant mortality requires further research, but it may enhance trust and communication between doctor and mother, and black doctors may be more attuned to social risk factors and cumulative disadvantages which can impact neonatal care, according to Brad Greenwood, lead author from George Mason University in Virginia.

Unconscious racism among white doctors towards black women and their babies may also be at play.

For white newborns, the race of their doctor makes little difference to their chances of survival.

Despite the stark findings, black women seeking a black doctor to minimize the risk to their babies will struggle as the medical workforce remains disproportionately white. Only 5% of doctors are black, according to the Association of American Medical Colleges."
Finish reading about how Black babies are more likely to survive when cared for by black doctors
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Coronavirus (COVID-19), Pregnancy, and Breastfeeding: A Message for Patients

9/24/2020

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Reviewed by: Lisa Hollier, MD, MPH, FACOG, Baylor College of Medicine, Houston, Texas
"​Please note that while this is a page for patients, this page is not meant to give specific medical advice and is for informational reference only. Medical advice should be provided by your doctor or other health care professional."
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"What is COVID-19?
COVID-19 is a new illness that affects the lungs and breathing. It is caused by a new coronavirus. Symptoms include fever, cough, and trouble breathing. It also may cause stomach problems, such as nausea and diarrhea, and a loss of your sense of smell or taste. Symptoms may appear 2 to 14 days after you are exposed to the virus. Some people with COVID-19 may have no symptoms or only mild symptoms. 

How does COVID-19 affect pregnant women?
Researchers are still learning how COVID-19 affects pregnant women. A report released in June 2020 looked at whether pregnant women might be at increased risk of getting very sick from COVID-19. This report from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) notes that:
  • Pregnant women with COVID-19 may be more likely than nonpregnant women with COVID-19 to need care in an intensive care unit (ICU) or need a ventilator (for breathing support).
  • Pregnant women who are Black, Hispanic, or Asian may have a higher risk of severe illness or need ICU care more often than other pregnant women. This is likely caused by social and economic inequity, not biological differences.
Although the risk of needing more care in the hospital and having more severe illness may be increased, the overall risk of these outcomes is still low for pregnant women. Also, it’s important to know that the report suggests the risk of death is not higher for pregnant women with COVID-19 than for nonpregnant women with COVID-19. 

How can COVID-19 affect a fetus?
Remember that researchers are learning more about COVID-19 all the time. Some researchers are looking specifically at COVID-19 and its possible effects on a fetus. Here’s what they know now:
  • Some pregnant women with COVID-19 have had preterm births, but it is not clear whether the preterm births were because of COVID-19. 
  • Researchers have found a few cases of COVID-19 that may have passed to a fetus during pregnancy, but this seems to be rare.
More research is needed to understand the effects of COVID-19 before birth. After birth, a newborn can get the virus if they are exposed to it. 

 What should pregnant women do to avoid the coronavirus?
Pregnant women should take steps to stay healthy, including:
  • keeping your prenatal care visits 
  • limiting contact with other people as much as possible
  • staying home as much as possible
  • staying at least 6 feet away from other people if you need to go out 
  • wearing a mask or cloth face covering in public and any other needed protection while at work 
  • washing hands often with soap and water for at least 20 seconds
  • cleaning hands with a hand sanitizer that contains at least 60 percent alcohol if you can’t wash them (rub until your hands feel dry)
  • avoiding touching your eyes, nose, and mouth 
  • having a good stock of essential supplies, including at least 30 days of any medications (so you don’t have to go out as often)

Should pregnant women wear a mask or face covering?
As of April 3, the CDC says all people, including pregnant women, can wear a cloth face covering when they are in public to slow the spread of COVID-19. Face coverings are recommended because studies have shown that people can spread the virus before showing any symptoms. See the CDC’s tips on making and wearing a face covering.

Wearing a cloth face covering is most important in places where you may not be able to stay 6 feet away from other people, like a grocery store or pharmacy. It also is important in parts of the country where COVID-19 is spreading quickly. But you should still try to stay at least 6 feet away from others whenever you leave home.

If you have COVID-19 or think you may have it, you should wear a mask while you are around other people. You also should wear a mask if you are taking care of someone who has COVID-19 or has symptoms. You do not need to wear a surgical mask or medical-grade mask (N95 mask). 

How will COVID-19 affect prenatal and postpartum care visits?
It is important to keep your prenatal and postpartum care visits. Call your obstetrician–gynecologist (ob-gyn) or other health care professional to ask how your visits may be changed. Some women may have fewer or more spaced out in-person visits. You also may talk more with your health care team over the phone or through an online video call. This is called telemedicine or telehealth. It is a good way for you to get the care you need while preventing the spread of disease. 
If you have a visit scheduled, your care team’s office may call you ahead of time. They may tell you about telemedicine or make sure you do not have symptoms of COVID-19 if you are going in to the office. You also can call them before your visits if you do not hear from them."
Learn more about COVID-19, Pregnancy, and Breastfeeding
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Many new moms are ‘cleared’ six weeks after birth. But the postpartum period isn’t over.

9/21/2020

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By Cassie Shortsleeve| July 14, 2020
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"Six weeks after I gave birth to my first daughter, I found myself in my OB/GYN’s office for my postpartum checkup. After a quick conversation and a physical exam, my doctor told me that I was “cleared.” I could resume all regular pre-pregnancy activity.

I went home, fed my baby and went on a run — and had to stop after a half-mile. My pelvic floor felt like it was going to give out and — although once an avid runner — I felt clumsy. That night, I lay awake, milk-stained and sweaty. Nothing about me felt “cleared.”

Despite the fact that in 2018, the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists recommended that, to optimize women’s health, postpartum care should become more of a rolling process rather than a single encounter, for many new moms, the six-week postpartum appointment remains the only touch point with the health-care system that birthed her baby.

If Latin America has la cuarentena — a 40-day period when women take care of a new mom while she rests — and the ancient Indian medical system of ayurveda teaches us that we must nurture women for 42 days postpartum for the health of her next 42 years, the United States, traditionally, has this: one lone appointment that, in many senses, gives a message of closure to the fragile and monumental postpartum period.

"The four- to six-week time frame has historically been thought to be enough time for women to be able to go back to do more physically demanding jobs, like farming, without having any serious medical issues,” explains Heather Irobunda, a board-certified OB/GYN in New York. Your uterus has usually shrunk back to a pre-pregnancy size, lacerations have healed, soreness from birth has resolved.

But physical changes persist for longer — probably six months or so, says Kecia Gaither, director of perinatal services at NYC Health+Hospitals/Lincoln. Around then, pelvic floor and abdominal musculature tone returns, changes in hair normalize, and the menstrual cycle might become more regular (if it’s returned).

Some research even suggests women wait 12 months to conceive again. But how long does it take for the body to recover? It depends on where you look.

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, for one, says that a “pregnancy-related” death is a death of a woman while pregnant or within one year of the end of pregnancy, but “maternal mortality” is defined by the World Health Organization as the death of a woman while pregnant or within 42 days of the end of pregnancy.

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, often called the “bible” of psychiatric health conditions, defines postpartum depression as depression “with postpartum onset: defined as within four weeks of delivering a child.” But, says Cindy-Lee Dennis, a professor at the University of Toronto who studies the postpartum period, “it’s fairly standard in the research literature to consider postpartum depression up to one year postpartum.” (Take a landmark 2013 study published in JAMA Psychiatry of 10,000 mothers: It found that 1 in 7 women develop PPD within the first year postpartum.)

Birdie Gunyon Meyer, a registered nurse and director of certification for Postpartum Support International, a nonprofit group that lobbied to extend the period following delivery in the definition of PPD, says: “I don’t think anybody really believes that the postpartum period is over at four or so weeks, but we give that impression when you come in for your four- or six-week checkup."
​
The truth is, the adjustment to parenthood takes time. It takes more than a couple of weeks and more than a couple of months. Researchers say Year 1 is critical for children and parents alike. “For the child, the brain is growing rapidly and the experiences that happen and the neurological pathways that are developed stay with the child for a lifetime,” says Dennis."
Read more about the length of the postpartum period and how new moms are 'cleared' in six weeks
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Men also grieve miscarriages. We have no idea what to do about it.

9/17/2020

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"When my wife miscarried, I was alone in my mourning"
By Charles Feng| July 22, 2020
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"Three years ago, my wife, daughter and I took a photo shivering on a beach amid the howling autumnal wind. Last year, for 11 glorious, anticipatory weeks, while my wife was pregnant, I planned to update the picture at the same location with a new baby in tow.

But that plan was abruptly upended when we had a miscarriage. Now that picture that sits on our mantel would still be just the three of us, squinting into the camera, buttressing one another against the cold.
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The miscarriage itself lasted only a few hours. But the self-recrimination lingered long afterward because I wasn’t sure how to grieve when my wife’s emotional response seemed more important. When I searched online, women’s perspectives abounded on websites, in YouTube videos and in news articles, but men’s perspectives were scarce. Academic research was little better. A pattern emerged: Although there is a spotlight on Mom’s emotions and well-being during a miscarriage, Dad’s experiences are rarely discussed.
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The pregnancy for our first daughter went smoothly. So, when my wife found out about our second pregnancy, we told family members and friends immediately after finding out, around the two-month mark. This meant that when the miscarriage occurred, we had to backtrack and explain to everyone what had happened, in painful conversations.

My wife’s friends, mostly women, showered her with messages and flowers. On the other hand, for the few friends, all men, I contacted, the comments ranged from the trite (“Sorry, that sucks”) to the callous (“Gotta try again!”) to, well, silence. My best friend, with the best of intentions, emailed my wife his condolences but excluded me.

Eventually, another friend who had recently experienced two miscarriages carved out some time to chat over dinner.
“How are you feeling, buddy?” he asked.

​“Okay,” I said.

“Tough as it seems right now, it does get better with time.”

“Good to know.” I felt like a sullen teenager.

“You know, while discussing miscarriages is in general taboo, for men it seems especially so,” he said.

He’s right.

The entire arc of the miscarriage, from conception to loss, occurs within the female body. Aside from contributing sperm, I felt like a bystander. I was traveling when my wife watched the double pink lines appear on the pregnancy test. She occasionally saw the obstetrician on her own and started organizing the baby’s room without my input. I had an ancillary role in the pregnancy, so I wasn’t sure I even had a right to feel devastated.

The event itself is permanently etched in my psyche. Throughout the night, my wife had unremitting abdominal pain. I was asleep when she barged through the door from the bathroom.

​“The baby’s gone,” she said through tears.

“I’m so sorry,” I said. I got up and hugged her. “What should we do now?”

“I don’t know.”

My wife went to the obstetrician, while I stayed home with our 2-year-old daughter.

After a sushi lunch — no longer pregnant, my wife could eat raw fish again — we dropped our daughter off at my parents’ house. To distract ourselves, we caught an animated movie. That evening, we drove to a deserted parking lot at the local elementary school. I shut off the car ignition and let the jazz radio buzz in the background. I held my wife’s hand as we stared into the darkness. We talked about the movie but little else.

The next day I was back at work.

The best thing I could do was to just be with her. I felt like I didn’t have a right to express my despair, so I actively suppressed my emotions. My wife needed to lean on me, so I became a stoic, unperturbable oak tree for her. According to a study published this year, after a miscarriage, men have described themselves, in supporting their wives, as “rocks, guards and repair men.” We adhere to traditional notions of masculinity, of being steady and capable, and never, ever succumbing to emotions."
Read more about Dad's emotions during a miscarriage
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11 Ways Black Women Can Protect Their Mental Health During Pregnancy and Postpartum

8/20/2020

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By: Cassie Shortsleeve| July 07, 2020
"​Black maternal health providers share the advice they give their own patients that any Black expectant or new mom can learn from."
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"Pregnancy is a life-changing event. But for Black women, this time in their lives comes with uniquely concerning health issues and added layers of struggle.

In the U.S., Black women are two to three times more likely to die from pregnancy-related causes than white women. That figure is even larger in metro areas such as New York City where Black women are up to 12 times more likely to die during pregnancy and childbirth. And while about one in seven women in this country experience a perinatal mood and anxiety disorder (PMAD), Black women suffer at higher rates—and are less likely to receive treatment.

Black moms and moms-to-be also face the biases of a mostly-white medical field, not to mention systemic racism, and stigma in and out of doctors' offices, say experts. But there are ways to prioritize yourself and protect your mental wellness (or help an expectant friend) in the journey to motherhood.

Here, Black doctors, therapists, doulas, and other maternal health experts share the words of wisdom they'd give to Black moms everywhere.

1. Prioritize emotional wellness.
"Given that Black women are at higher risk for pregnancy-associated mortality when compared to non-Black pregnant women, it is important that Black women empower themselves with knowledge about the importance of maintaining emotional wellness so that they take the steps necessary to advocate for their mental health needs during their pregnancy. If you're experiencing significant anxiety, disclose your distress to friends and family. If social support is not sufficient, talk to your healthcare provider about different treatment options."—Christine Crawford, M.D., M.P.H., an assistant professor of psychiatry at Boston University School of Medicine and an adult, child, and adolescent psychiatrist at Boston Medical Center.

2. Find the mental health support you need (even if it's virtual).
​"Mental health support during the prenatal period is important especially during a time like this when women have the extra stress of the consequences of COVID-19 and racial injustice and protests. Black women are less likely to receive care for depressive symptoms and are often under-diagnosed. If you have symptoms, find a provider that you feel comfortable with, whether on a mental health app, one-to-one talk-therapy, or group therapy. Another great tool I love for moms is meditation apps. They can help with grounding during times of great stress. If the new mother has access to mental health support during the prenatal period, the risks for postpartum depression decrease."—Latham Thomas, founder Mama"

Finish reading the ways black women can protect their mental health during pregnancy/postpartum
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​SANDRA RODRIGUEZ-SIUTS, PH.D., LLC 

8585 E Hartford Dr., Suite 120
Scottsdale, AZ 85255
Phone: (480) 473-5411
Fax: (480) 436-6900


© Copyright 2021 Sandra Rodriguez-Siuts, Ph.D. - All Rights Reserved
Photos used under Creative Commons from edenpictures, shixart1985, Martin Cathrae
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