By: Judith Orloff, M.D. | December 16, 2014

By: ​Pregnancy and Postpartum TV

"Join me for this 25-min pregnancy yoga & pilates fusion class! Pregnancy Yoga + Pregnancy Pilates
Guide to cope with pain in natural labor:http://bit.ly/31MnU5Q
Pelvic Floor Guide For Birth Prep: https://bit.ly/2NI407r
Pregnancy Meal Plan: https://bit.ly/3g7tmrS Pregnancy Yoga Cards: https://www.pregnancyandchildhoodnutr..."

By: Heather S. Lonczak, Ph.D. | 6/12/2021

"Most adults will become parents at some point in their lives (i.e., around 89.6% of the adult population worldwide; Ranjan, 2015).

And while most of us strive to be great parents, we may also find ourselves confused and frustrated by the seemingly endless challenges of parenthood.

As both parents of toddlers and teenagers can attest, such challenges are evident across all developmental stages.

But there is good news— numerous research-supported tools and strategies are now available for parents. These resources provide a wealth of information for common parenting challenges (i.e., bedtime issues, picky eating, tantrums, behavior problems, risk-taking, etc.); as well as the various learning lessons that are simply part of growing up (i.e., starting school, being respectful, making friends, being responsible, making good choices, etc.).

With its focus on happiness, resilience and positive youth development; the field of positive psychology is particularly pertinent to discussions of effective parenting. Thus, whether you are a parent who’s trying to dodge potential problems; or you are already pulling your hair out— you’ve come to the right place.

This article provides a highly comprehensive compilation of evidence-based positive parenting techniques. These ideas and strategies will cover a range of developmental periods, challenges, and situations. More specifically, drawing from a rich and robust collection of research, we will address exactly what positive parenting means; its many benefits; when and how to use it; and its usefulness for specific issues and age-groups.

This article also contains many useful examples, positive parenting tips, activities, programs, videos, books, podcasts – and so much more. By learning from and applying these positive parenting resources; parents will become the kind of parents they’ve always wanted to be: Confident, Optimistic, and even Joyful.

Before you continue, we thought you might like to download our three Positive Relationships Exercises for free. These detailed, science-based exercises will help you or your clients build healthy, life-enriching relationships.

What is Positive Parenting?
Before providing a definition of positive parenting, let’s take a step back and consider what we mean by “parents.” While a great deal of parenting research has focused on the role of mothers; children’s psychosocial well-being is influenced by all individuals involved in their upbringing.

Such caregivers might include biological and adoptive parents, foster parents, single parents, step-parents, older siblings, and other relatives and non-relatives who play a meaningful role in a child’s life. In other words, the term “parent” applies to an array of individuals whose presence impacts the health and well-being of children (Juffer, Bakermans-Kranenburg & van Ijzendoorn, 2008).

Thus, any time the terms “parent” or “caregiver” are used herein; they apply to any individuals who share a consistent relationship with a child, as well as an interest in his/her well-being (Seay, Freysteinson & McFarlane, 2014).
​
Fortunately, parenting research has moved away from a deficit or risk factor model towards a more positive focus on predictors of positive outcomes (e.g., protective factors). Positive parenting exemplifies this approach by seeking to promote the parenting behaviors that are most essential for fostering positive youth development (Rodrigo, Almeida, Spiel, & Koops, 2012)."

By: Pregnancy and Postpartum TV | August 12, 2021

'These are great daily pregnancy stretches (a stretch routine) to keep away pregnancy aches and pains and help pregnancy symptoms. Guide to cope with pain in labor: http://bit.ly/31MnU5Q 5-min warm-up to do before this stretch routine: https://youtu.be/bJSrELdWksM "

By: Science Insider | October 17, 2021

"High-risk obstetricians Laura Riley and Dena Goffman debunk 16 postpartum myths. They talk about how breastfeeding will not prevent pregnancy, why baby bumps don't disappear right after you give birth, and how breastfeeding doesn't always come naturally. They also debunk the myth that you'll need to keep having C-sections if you've previously had one.

Riley is the chair of OB-GYN at NewYork-Presbyterian and Weill Cornell Medicine. She specializes in maternal fetal medicine. You can learn more about her work here: https://weillcornell.org/laura-e-rile...

Goffman is the chief of obstetrics at NewYork-Presbyterian and Columbia University. She is also a maternal fetal medicine specialist. You can learn more about her work here: https://www.columbiaobgyn.org/profile..."

By Jean Lee | November 21, 2021

"Shantell Jones gave birth in an ambulance parked on the side of a Connecticut highway. Even though she lived six blocks away from a hospital, the emergency vehicle had to drive to another one about 30 minutes away.

The closer medical center, Windham Hospital, discontinued labor and delivery services last year and is working to permanently cease childbirth services after “years of declining births and recruitment challenges,” its operator, Hartford HealthCare, has said.

But medical and public health experts say the step could potentially put pregnant women at risk if they don't have immediate access to medical attention. Losing obstetrics services, they said, could be associated with increased preterm births, emergency room births and out-of-hospital births without resources nearby, like Jones' childbirth experience.
The dilemma Jones faced is one that thousands of other pregnant women living in rural communities without obstetrics units nearby are encountering as hospitals cut back or close services to reduce costs. Nationwide, 53 rural counties lost obstetrics care from 2014 through 2018, according to a 2020 study in the Journal of the American Medical Association, which also found that out of 1,976 rural counties in the country, 1,045 never had hospitals with obstetrics services to begin with.

The problem is particularly acute in communities of color, like Windham in northeastern Connecticut, where the population is 41 percent Latino, while the statewide Latino population is only 16.9 percent, according to the U.S Census Bureau. The community is 6.2 percent Black. Local activists say they fear low-income residents will bear the brunt of the hospital’s decision because Windham has a 24.6 percent poverty rate compared to 10 percent statewide, according to the census.

The night Jones delivered her son, her mother, Michelle Jones, had called 911 because Jones was going into labor a few weeks early, and after her water broke they knew the baby was coming soon. Both expected the ambulance to drive the short distance to Windham Hospital, where Jones received her prenatal care.

But the ambulance attendant was told Windham wasn't taking labor and delivery patients and was referring people to Backus Hospital in Norwich, Jones said.

In the ambulance, she was without her mother, who was asked to follow in her car.

“I was anxious and scared and traumatized,” Jones said."

"Giving birth can be one of the most painful experiences in a woman’s life, yet the long-term effects that trauma can have on millions of new mothers are still largely ignored.

It’s 03:00. My pillow is soaked with cold sweat, my body tense and shaking after waking from the same nightmare that haunts me every night. I know I’m safe in bed – that’s a fact. My life is no longer at risk, but I can’t stop replaying the terrifying scene that replayed in my head as I slept, so I remain alert, listening for any sound in the dark.
This is one of the ways I experience post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

PTSD is an anxiety disorder caused by very stressful, frightening or distressing events, which are often relived through flashbacks and nightmares. The condition, formerly known as “shellshock”, first came to prominence when men returned from the trenches of World War One having witnessed unimaginable horrors. More than 100 years after the guns of that conflict fell silent, PTSD is still predominantly associated with war and as something largely experienced by men.

But millions of women worldwide develop PTSD not only from fighting on a foreign battlefield – but also from struggling to give birth, as I did. And the symptoms tend to be similar for people no matter the trauma they experienced.

“Women with trauma may feel fear, helplessness or horror about their experience and suffer recurrent, overwhelming memories, flashbacks, thoughts and nightmares about the birth, feel distressed, anxious or panicky when exposed to things which remind them of the event, and avoid anything that reminds them of the trauma, which can include talking about it," says Patrick O’Brien, a maternal mental health expert at University College Hospital and spokesman for the Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists in the UK.

Despite these potentially debilitating effects, postnatal PTSD was only formally recognised in the 1990s when the American Psychiatry Association changed its description of what constitutes a traumatic event. The association originally considered PTSD to be “something outside the range of usual human experience”, but then changed the definition to include an event where a person “witnessed or confronted serious physical threat or injury to themselves or others and in which the person responded with feelings of fear, helplessness or horror”.

This effectively implied that before this change, childbirth was deemed too common to be highly traumatic – despite the life-changing injuries, and sometimes deaths, women can suffer as they bring children into the world. According to the World Health Organization, 803 women die from complications related to pregnancy and childbirth every day.

There are few official figures for how many women suffer from postnatal PTSD, and because of the continued lack of recognition of the condition in mothers, it is difficult to say how common the condition really is. Some studies that have attempted to quantify the problem estimate that 4% of births lead to the condition. One study from 2003 found that around a third of mothers who experience a “traumatic delivery”, defined as involving complications, the use of instruments to assist delivery or near death, go on to develop PTSD.

With 130 million babies born around the world every year, that means that a staggering number of women may be trying to cope with the disorder with little or no recognition.

And postnatal PTSD might not only be a problem for mothers. Some research has found evidence that fathers can suffer it too after witnessing their partner go through a traumatic birth.

Regardless of the exact numbers, for those who go through these experiences, there can be a long-lasting impact on their lives. And the symptoms manifest themselves in many different ways.

"I regularly get vivid images of the birth in my head,” says Leonnie Downes, a mother from Lancashire, UK, who developed PTSD after fearing she was going to die when she developed sepsis in labour. “I constantly feel under threat, like I'm in a heightened awareness.”

Lucy Webber, another woman who developed PTSD after giving birth to her son in 2016, says she developed obsessive behaviours and become extremely anxious. “I’m not able to let my baby out of my sight or let anyone touch him,” she says. “I have intrusive thought of bad things happening to all my loved ones.”

Not all women who have difficult births will develop postnatal PTSD. According to Elizabeth Ford of Queen Mary University of London and Susan Ayers of the University of Sussex, it has a lot to do with a woman’s perception of what they went through.
"Women who feel lack of control during birth or who have poor care and support are more at risk of developing PTSD,” the researchers write.
The stories from women who have developed PTSD after giving birth seem to reflect this. 

​Stephanie, whose name has been changed to protect her identity, says she was poorly cared for during labour and midwives displayed a lack of empathy and compassion. A particularly difficult labour saw her being physically held down by staff as her son was delivered. “He was born completely blue and taken away to be resuscitated and I was given no information on his condition for hours.”

"Many women experience gas during pregnancy. It usually goes away on its own, but home remedies can help ease discomfort and reduce the quantity of gas.

Raised levels of the hormone progesterone relax the intestines during pregnancy. This relaxation slows digestion, making constipation more likely and often leading to bloating, belching, and flatulence.

A woman may also experience more gas during the later stages of pregnancy, when the growing fetus places additional pressure on the abdominal cavity.

While it is impossible to prevent gas during pregnancy, several safe home remedies can reduce gas and relieve discomfort. Many of these prevent constipation, which significantly contributes to gas.

1. Drinking plenty of water

The United States National Academy of Medicine, formerly the Institute of Medicine, recommend that pregnant women drink around 10 cups, or 2.3 liters, of water a day.

Drinking water before or after a meal helps the stomach digest food. Any undigested food passes into the small intestines, where bacteria break it down, producing gas in the process. Staying hydrated can, therefore, help reduce the buildup of gas.

Hydration can also prevent constipation, another cause of gas. When a person is dehydrated, their stool becomes dry and hard. Drinking plenty of water keeps stool soft, helping it pass more easily through the colon.

Also, it is best to sip slowly, rather than gulp. People are more likely to swallow air when they gulp, which can contribute to gas.

2. Avoiding certain drinks
Some people experience gas when they drink beverages containing the following ingredients:
Carbon dioxideCarbon dioxide is a gas in a wide range of drinks, including:

• cola and other sodas
• carbonated energy drinks
• sparkling (fizzy) waters, including tonic water

People get rid of most of this gas through belching, but carbon dioxide can also cause flatulence.
The added sugars or artificial sweeteners in many carbonated drinks can also contribute to intestinal gas.

Fructose
Fructose is a natural sugar that occurs in most fruits. Manufacturers often add fructose to a variety of desserts and drinks.
Some people are unable to digest fructose. In this case, the sugar can ferment in the large intestine, causing gas and bloating. The medical term for this digestive disorder is fructose malabsorption.

Sorbitol
Sorbitol is a low-calorie sugar substitute. However, the body is unable to digest sorbitol. Some people experience abdominal pain, bloating, and gas as a result.

3. Keeping a food diary
During pregnancy, many women choose to eat a more healthful diet. Many healthful foods are rich in fiber, and adding them to the diet can increase the amount of gas in the short term.
Some high-fiber foods also contain complex carbohydrates called oligosaccharides. When bacteria in the gut break down oligosaccharides, they produce nitrogen gas. Some people are more sensitive to this effect than others.
Foods that contain oligosaccharides include:

• beans
• whole grains
• cabbage
• cauliflower
• Brussels sprouts
• asparagus

Keeping a food diary can help to show whether any foods are contributing to the severity of gas.

4. Eating more fiber
Although high-fiber foods can increase gas in the short term, over time they help to reduce constipation, which is a major cause of intestinal gas.
Fiber achieves this by drawing in water and softening stool. This eases its passage through the intestines, speeding digestion and giving gas less time to build up.
If a person is switching to a high-fiber diet, the following strategies can help prevent temporary increases in gas:

• raising the fiber intake gradually over a period of months
• eating only small portions of high-fiber foods to allow sufficient time for digestion
• chewing food thoroughly so that it is easier for the stomach to digest
• drinking plenty of fluids, ensuring that there is enough water to soften fibrous stools"

By Stephanie Collier, MD, MPH, Contributor

"​Pregnancy is an exciting time. You will soon become a parent to an adorable, tiny human. You may expect to experience the rollercoaster of emotions during pregnancy, or emotions may catch you off guard. Some women feel joy at every flutter or kick, marveling at their changing bodies. For other women, pregnancy is hard, giving no reprieve as it brings severe fatigue, mood changes, and constant worries. You may notice that with every passing month, your thoughts are spiraling out of control, affecting your performance at work and your relationships at home. But how do you manage your anxiety, and should you treat it?

What causes anxiety during pregnancy?
Worries during pregnancy are universal. Hormonal changes of pregnancy, prior heartbreaking miscarriages, and sleep difficulties may all contribute to anxiety for mothers-to-be. You may worry about how a baby will affect your relationships with friends or family members, the health of your future child, the delivery experience, or the financial burden of an additional family member. All of these worries are completely normal. For humans, a certain amount of anxiety is protective; how else could we motivate ourselves to complete our work or run away from a bear?

What are the symptoms of anxiety disorders during pregnancy?
Although it’s normal to be worried about the health of your baby, in some cases this worry becomes debilitating and may require further attention. Thoughts about the health of the baby may become obsessive, even when doctors are reassuring. Worries may also appear as physical symptoms, such as a rapid heartbeat, difficulty breathing, or panic attacks. If this is the first time you experience a high level of anxiety, this may be frightening in itself. When anxiety starts to interfere with your day-to-day functioning, relationships, or job performance, it may be classified as an anxiety disorder — if your doctor picks up on it.

Anxiety can occur at any time during pregnancy, or it may first appear after delivery (perinatal anxiety is the term used for anxiety during pregnancy and after delivery). The rates of generalized anxiety disorder appear to be highest in the first trimester, likely due to hormonal changes. The most common symptoms of anxiety include constant worrying, restlessness, muscle tension, irritability, feeling dread, an inability to concentrate, and difficulties falling asleep due to worries. Some women also experience symptoms as a result of other anxiety disorders, including panic disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, or post-traumatic stress disorder.

Unfortunately, two of the most common mental health screening tools in pregnancy (the Edinburgh Postnatal Depression Screen and Generalized Anxiety Disorder 7-item Scale) are not great at detecting anxiety in pregnancy. Although underdiagnosed, anxiety disorders during pregnancy and in the postpartum period are common, and may affect up to one in five women. Many women suffer in silence.

What are the effects of untreated anxiety on the fetus?
When thinking about management of anxiety, it is important to consider both the risks of treatment as well as the harms of untreated anxiety. Although less studied than depression, research suggests that anxiety may negatively affect both the mother and the fetus. Anxiety increases the risk for preterm birth, low birthweight, earlier gestational age, and a smaller head circumference (which is related to brain size).

What are some treatments for anxiety during pregnancy?
Fortunately, there are many treatments that can reduce anxiety during pregnancy and help you feel better. For many women, anti-anxiety medication is not an option during pregnancy, as there is little information on the safety of such medication on the fetus. Some women who had previously taken medications for anxiety may wish to discontinue medications during pregnancy for personal reasons.

Therapies such as cognitive behavior therapy (CBT) demonstrate promise in the peripartum period (the period shortly before, during, and after giving birth). CBT focuses on challenging maladaptive thoughts, emotions, and actions, and it uses anxiety management strategies such as diaphragmatic breathing (adapted to pregnancy).

If your anxiety is severe, medications may be an option for you. Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) are commonly prescribed for depression and anxiety during pregnancy and after delivery. It does not appear that SSRIs are associated with an increased risk of major congenital malformations. However, SSRIs may be associated with transient neonatal symptoms such as jitteriness, tremor, crying, and trouble feeding, which resolve on their own in a few days.

The use of benzodiazepines such as lorazepam (Ativan) and alprazolam (Xanax) during pregnancy has long been a controversial topic. Although older studies showed an association between their use and an increased risk for cleft lip and palate, a more recent study looking at benzodiazepine use during pregnancy did not show this link when these medications were used alone (although there may be an increased risk when combined with antidepressants)."

By: Cindy & James Mindful Relaxation

By: Unlock Your Life | December 5, 2017

"​These bedtime affirmations are designed for listening in the evening to allow you to close off the day, let go of what has happened today, and let go of any anxiety about what will come. They remind you that you have done enough, have worked hard enough and that you deserve rest. These positive affirmations should allow you to peacefully end the day and transition into sleep, waking more collected and connected in mind, body and spirit the next morning."

By: Red Ted Art | October 18, 2018

"Love Halloween? MUST MAKE Spookie Halloween DIYs from Halloween Room Decor to Halloween Gift Ideas, check out these brilliant Halloween Crafts."

By: Kaiser Permanente | 2021

"Time is valuable for any busy mom. There never seems to be enough of it. And when you think about your priorities, making time for self-care probably falls near the bottom of your list —below work, kids, home, and family.
But if you don’t take time for yourself, you could be doing more harm than good.  Stress, exhaustion, burnout, and even illness can take more of a toll when you aren’t getting what you need. So whether you carve out a few minutes for yourself, or a whole day, here are some ideas to get you started:

1. Focus on the physical

• Getting your blood pumping and getting outside is a great way to feel refreshed.  Pick what’s right for your fitness level.
  • Take a walk around the block.
  • Stretch or do some yoga.
  • Kayak in Lake Washington or Lake Coeur d’Alene.
  • Take your bike out for a spin..
  • Train for a 5K walk or fun run.
  • Spend time tending your garden.

2. Give your brain a boost

• Write in your journal.
• Sketch something you love or pick up a coloring book.
• Meditate.
• Read a good book.
• Do a crossword puzzle.

3. Pamper yourself

• Relax in a hot bath.
• Plan a spa day.
• Sneak in a nap.
• Splurge on your favorite flowers.
• Give yourself a facial.

4. Find time for your friends

• Have lunch at a new restaurant.
• Go to an Art Walk in Seattle, Tacoma, Olympia, Kennewick or Spokane.
• Make a walking date.
• Go window shopping.
• Volunteer with a friend.
• Join a book club or moms group.

5. Take a leap
Do something big that you’ve never done before, like:

• Go-cart racing.
• Visit a local landmark for the first time.
• Geocaching.
• Indoor rock climbing.
• Start writing your memoir.

6. Hone your skills

• Up your cooking game by trying a new and different recipe.
• Get back into a sport you love.
• Take a painting or drawing class.
• Strum that guitar you’ve neglected.

7. Get silly

• Sing along to your favorite music.
• Host a game night.
• Go see a comedy show.
• Dance in your living room."

​BY GOOD HOUSEKEEPING EDITORS | Oct 12, 2021

"Halloween comes every year on October 31, but it's not every year that you get to wear a pregnant Halloween costume when it does. If you're expecting a baby when it's time to dress up, lucky you! You get to find a costume that shows off your creativity and your baby bump. These clever maternity costumes make the most of both!

Are you on a budget? All of the items on our list are affordable DIY costumes, because we know you can't reuse them year after year. And in even better news, if you waited until the last minute for your costume — hey, we get it, you're busy getting ready for baby! — most of the items involved are already hanging in your closet. Even if you're not naturally super crafty, most of these maternity Halloween costumes are simple enough that you can tackle the steps without much trouble.
​
And just in case the stork stops by early or you're already planning ahead for trick-or-treating with a little one in tow next year, check out our best costumes for babies and best family Halloween costumes. (We promise they're just as cute!)"

Source: WebMD Medical Reference | ​Reviewed by Dan Brennan, MD on March 05, 2021

"What Are Essential Oils?
Essential oils are plant abstracts made by steaming or pressing different parts of a plant to capture the compounds that produce fragrance. It can take several pounds of a plant to produce just one bottle of essential oils. 

When evaluating essential oils' effectiveness, research is promising, but the human clinical trials are mixed. Some studies show an improvement for people, while others show no improvement at all. 

The most common way essential oils are used during pregnancy is to help treat anxiety, aches, and lack of focus. There are many varieties of oils to choose from. Finding a high-grade quality variety is recommended. It’s also helpful to consult with your doctor before you start using essential oils while pregnant. 

Is It Safe to Use Essential Oils While Pregnant?
Essential oils come in different scents and qualities. Certain varieties are safe to use while pregnant while others should be avoided.
Essential oils that are good to use while pregnant:

•  Cardamom. Helps with morning sickness and nausea
•  Frankincense. Stimulates calm, relaxation, and a good night’s sleep 
•  Geranium. Promotes a positive mood 
•  German or Roman chamomile. Stimulates calm, relaxation, and a good night's sleep 
•  Ginger. Helps with morning sickness and nausea
•  Lavender. Stimulates calm, relaxation, and a good night's sleep 
•  Lemon. Improves your mood
•  Neroli. Stimulates calm, relaxation, and a good night's sleep 
•  Patchouli. Improves your mood
•  Petitgrain. Stimulates calm, relaxation, and a good night's sleep 
•  Rose and rosewood. Stimulates calm, relaxation, and a good night's sleep 
•  Sandalwood. Improves your mood
•  Wild orange. Improves your mood

Here are some other essential oils that should not be used while pregnant:

• Aniseed
• Basil
• Birch
• Camphor
• Clary Sage
• Hyssop
• Mugwort
• Oak Moss
• Parsley Seed or Leaf
• Pennyroyal
• Peppermint
• Rosemary
• Rue
• Sage
• Tansy
• Tarragon
• Thuja
• Thyme
• Wintergreen

How to Use Essential Oils Safely
If a doctor or midwife recommends essential oils to help you during pregnancy, use them carefully. A few good tips to keep in mind include:

• Start with a small amount (maybe just a drop) and gradually increase based on your tolerance. Pregnancy can heighten sensitivity to smell which may make some essential oil scents overwhelming. Try putting a small amount of oil on a cotton ball or tissue and gently breathe in.
• Avoid putting essential oils directly on the skin unless otherwise directed. Some essential oils can cause skin irritation or rash.
• Don't ingest essential oils. There is not enough evidence to prove that this is safe.
• Consult with your doctor and a qualified aromatherapist with questions or concerns.

​
Safety Risks of Using Essential Oils While Pregnant
Some people may experience an allergic reaction or skin irritation after using essential oils. You're more likely to have a bad reaction if you have atopic dermatitis or a history of reactions to topical products. 
Some essential oils that may carry a higher risk of causing an allergic or skin irritation include:

• Oregano oil
• Cinnamon bark oil
• Jasmine oil
• Lemongrass oil 
• Ylang-ylang oil
• Chamomile oil
• Bergamot oil 

If you get a red, itchy rash or hives after using essential oils, contact your doctor as these symptoms are often signs of an allergic reaction."

By Melissa Willets | Updated August 22, 2021

By Jessica Zucker, Ph.D. | April 22, 2021

By ​Loren Kleinman | May 12, 2021

"The day Lily was born, my husband, Joe, took pictures, murmured soft words, and held her every moment he could. "I want to stay home with her for her first year," he said. "I read it's important for their development."

Luckily, he was able to as he was honorably discharged from the Navy. But despite my three-month maternity leave, I wanted to go back to work.

But when we returned home from the hospital, I unraveled. No time to shower, eat, or pay a bill. Our lives revolved around Lily. Everything I imagined about motherhood exploded. Dreams of gardening with my daughter in a Snugli on my chest were replaced with her unrelenting cries and endless diaper changes.

Yet to Joe, she was just a baby. "What did you think having a baby would be like?" he asked.

"Not like this," I snapped, taking off my spit-up covered shirt and replacing it with a clean one.

It wasn't just the dirty shirt. I had thoughts of hurting myself and my baby, an alarming desire to drive us both off the road. I hated myself for these thoughts, but I hated her more. I hated that she never slept, and resented that I couldn't, either. I hated breastfeeding, which was not magical as I'd pictured, but painful and lonely.

I missed our date nights, coming and going as I pleased, and clean clothes.

Darkness settled over me, unlike any depression I'd experienced. I began experimenting with cutting myself just to feel something other than exhaustion, spending long minutes in the bathroom, my only escape. With each cut came relief from the burden of this new, agonizing life.

"You were in there a long time," Joe teased me.

Low spirited, I replied, "I wish I never had to come out."

He reached out to console me and saw the cuts on my arm. I didn't hide them. I didn't care. But Joe called his therapist, who told him about a clinic for women with postpartum depression.

"He doesn't even know me," I argued.

"You're going," a frazzled Joe said. "Today."

My First Dose of Postpartum Depression Treatment
We arrived to find a room filled with infants, dads, and moms, many of the latter red-faced and crying, while their husbands stood by, holding babies. I was amazed to see so many men like my husband, cradling their little ones, in solidarity with their wives, as the women went one by one to meet with a psychiatrist.

When it was my turn, I looked back at Joe and Lily. A concerned smile dusted his face. "We'll be right here when you're done."

During my intake, I asked flatly, "Will I ever love her?"

"This is a classic postpartum depression question. You will love her," the psychiatrist assured me. "But I have to ask, do you have any plans to kill yourself?"

Without hesitation, I said, "I want to drive off the road." Then I wept.

I wasn't allowed to drive until further notice, and if I didn't abide, the psychiatrist warned, "We'd have to consider hospitalization."

Joe ferried me to and from the clinic every day, no matter how many times he'd been up with Lily the night before. On weekends, Joe tended to me and to Lily, making sure we both ate and slept, as his parents flew out from Washington State to lend a hand, a relief to both of us.

For the first time, I felt some hope.

Every week, I attended weekly dialectical behavior therapy sessions (DBT), learning skills for coping with my anxiety and insomnia like radical acceptance and positive self-talk.

Things Only Got Worse
Then, one night, after Joe put Lily to bed, we sat on our back porch, me with my usual glass of wine, him with his Coke and ice.

"Are you OK?" he asked, as I stared, glassy-eyed, into the trees.

Before coming outside, I'd already washed down a handful of Tylenols, along with sedatives and a few glasses of wine.

"I can't live like this anymore." I paused. "Lily deserves a mom, not me."

Joe sighed and said, "I'm calling the clinic's emergency line."

The therapist on duty advised Joe to bring me to the hospital immediately, even though I protested. But I had no choice. I confessed my desire to kill myself, so I could go voluntarily or in an ambulance.

Joe stayed with me for nine hours in the emergency room, until there was a bed ready in the psychiatric unit. His parents watched Lily at home.

"Please don't let them take me away," I called out to Joe, as a nurse led me to the unit.

"I'll see you in the morning," Joe answered back. "You will be OK."

When he arrived the next day, I pleaded with him to get me out.

"Someone tried to kill themselves last night," I cried. "I don't belong here."

"Can you give it a chance?" he begged.

I sat back in my chair and folded my arms. I resented Joe for bringing me here. At the beginning of our relationship, I'd been the strong one, helping him through his own hardships. But Lily changed everything.

"I have to get back," he said. "Focus on getting better, not getting out."

When Joe leaned in to give me a kiss goodbye, I stopped him. "I want a divorce when this is over," I whispered.

He teared up and said, "You've said some of the meanest things anyone has ever said to me."

I felt no remorse. Before the baby, we never went to bed angry. Now, I loathed him for keeping me here. I was determined to punish him, and I did, lashing out constantly, but he kept visiting and taking my phone calls. He never stopped trying.

I was discharged after five days. Joe and I argued for the entire ride home. When we arrived at the house, I imploded: "I can't take this anymore!"

I threw chairs and baby toys, wailing, and punching the wall. Joe couldn't calm me, so he took Lily and his parents to the farthest part of the house.

The next morning, Joe gave me a choice: "You either go to your parents' house and take a break, or you go back to the hospital."

I chose the first option.

A few days later, Joe called me. "I told my therapist what happened. He called Child Protective Services," he said matter-of-factly.

"They're going to take Lily away?" I asked.
​
Shocked, I suddenly realized how much I wanted her."

By Paige Glidden | May 07, 2021

By Alex Arpaia and Dorie Chevlen | Updated May 3, 2021

By| Elizabeth Scott, MS | Medically Reviewed by Carly Snyder, MD on September 20, 2020

By: Elizabeth Scott, MS | Fact checked by Sean Blackburn on June 24, 2020

​"From giving an important presentation at work to attending a party by yourself, there are countless situations that can be impacted by negative thoughts. Whether or not you have a diagnosed panic disorder, it's easy to get distracted by negativity and fears that can lead to a downward spiral of emotions.

In order to move forward, it's important to swap negativity with rational, positive thoughts.1 This shift can come to you more easily and automatically with practice, eventually shaping new thinking habits and strides toward recovery. 

How to Ease Stress With Affirmations
Here are some ways to use positive affirmations to manage stress, particularly when dealing with anxiety at the same time.

Identify and Stop Negative Thoughts
First, learn to identify negative thoughts so you can nix the negativity as soon as it enters your mind. For example, if you found yourself thinking, "I'm going to look stupid if I go to that party alone," identify the negative thought and correct yourself in the moment.

Consciously decide to reframe and move your thoughts into a more positive direction.2 Remind yourself that others will likely be arriving alone, that people are looking forward to seeing you, and that you will probably have a good time. These thoughts can help put you in a better frame of mind. 

Use Positive Affirmations
You may find it helpful to learn positive affirmations ahead of time so you're prepared when triggering situations occur. Consider the following options for common scenarios.

When faced with a situation that generates fear, such as traveling or meeting new people, try repeating positive affirmations that acknowledge your negative thoughts or emotions and let them go:

• Anxiety isn't dangerous. I'm just uncomfortable. I'll make it through this. 
• The picture in my head isn't healthy. That's just me being negative. 
• I feel anxious, but so what? I know what that feels like and I'll get through it. 
• I'm going to focus on things I love to get me through this. 
• I will be OK. 

​Managing your anxiety or panic disorder can be particularly difficult in times of stress, such as when you need to give a presentation in public or will be going to a networking event at work. While you may be tempted to call out sick or avoid the situation altogether, that can be harmful to you and your career. Instead, remind yourself of these affirmations:

• I've done presentations before and I can do this one, too. 
• When this is over, I'll be so proud of myself. 
• If I keep doing it, it will get easier. 
• The last time I presented, everyone said I did really well. 
• If I take deep breaths, that will help soothe me before I go in. 

Remain Realistic
Sometimes positive thinking can be taken too far, so it's important to remain grounded. When positive affirmations become unrealistic, they can actually trigger more anxiety as your subconscious mind notes that the ideas aren't realistic.3 You can find yourself more stressed if you start convincing yourself that you can do things you're not prepared for, and the reality of failure hits hard.

Notice that the examples given above focus on realistic and true statements that are also positive. These include what you will gain, what you have accomplished in the past, and what you will realistically achieve."

By Christina Vogt | Medically Reviewed by Allison Young, MD | Reviewed: June 17, 2021