How To Give Advice: Less Fixing, More Listening

By Meredith Goldstein

I've been the relationship advice columnist at The Boston Globe for more than a decade. That means I've answered thousands of letters from the lovelorn. 

But when friends and family ask for advice, it's more complicated. It can be fraught-sometimes I know too much and it can be difficult to remain objective. 

Also, if I don't get it right, I could hurt someone I love.

I think it works that way for a lot of us. Helping a stranger can be easier than advising someone we've known forever. 

That's why I teamed up with Life Kit to figure out some best practices. Turns out, good advice is often about loosening the body, opening the mind and, more often than not, keeping your mouth shut.

Here are a few highlights of the interview regarding how to improve your listening skills:

• Body language matters

• You don't have to fix the problem

• Know when the questions are more than you can handle

• Pay attention to patterns

• You can't always give advice right now

• You can be a great sounding board without having lived it

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