By Jean Lee | November 21, 2021
"Shantell Jones gave birth in an ambulance parked on the side of a Connecticut highway. Even though she lived six blocks away from a hospital, the emergency vehicle had to drive to another one about 30 minutes away.
The closer medical center, Windham Hospital, discontinued labor and delivery services last year and is working to permanently cease childbirth services after “years of declining births and recruitment challenges,” its operator, Hartford HealthCare, has said.
But medical and public health experts say the step could potentially put pregnant women at risk if they don't have immediate access to medical attention. Losing obstetrics services, they said, could be associated with increased preterm births, emergency room births and out-of-hospital births without resources nearby, like Jones' childbirth experience.
The dilemma Jones faced is one that thousands of other pregnant women living in rural communities without obstetrics units nearby are encountering as hospitals cut back or close services to reduce costs. Nationwide, 53 rural counties lost obstetrics care from 2014 through 2018, according to a 2020 study in the Journal of the American Medical Association, which also found that out of 1,976 rural counties in the country, 1,045 never had hospitals with obstetrics services to begin with.
The problem is particularly acute in communities of color, like Windham in northeastern Connecticut, where the population is 41 percent Latino, while the statewide Latino population is only 16.9 percent, according to the U.S Census Bureau. The community is 6.2 percent Black. Local activists say they fear low-income residents will bear the brunt of the hospital’s decision because Windham has a 24.6 percent poverty rate compared to 10 percent statewide, according to the census.
The night Jones delivered her son, her mother, Michelle Jones, had called 911 because Jones was going into labor a few weeks early, and after her water broke they knew the baby was coming soon. Both expected the ambulance to drive the short distance to Windham Hospital, where Jones received her prenatal care.
But the ambulance attendant was told Windham wasn't taking labor and delivery patients and was referring people to Backus Hospital in Norwich, Jones said.
In the ambulance, she was without her mother, who was asked to follow in her car.
“I was anxious and scared and traumatized,” Jones said."
By Sarah Griffiths | April 24, 2019
"Giving birth can be one of the most painful experiences in a woman’s life, yet the long-term effects that trauma can have on millions of new mothers are still largely ignored.
It’s 03:00. My pillow is soaked with cold sweat, my body tense and shaking after waking from the same nightmare that haunts me every night. I know I’m safe in bed – that’s a fact. My life is no longer at risk, but I can’t stop replaying the terrifying scene that replayed in my head as I slept, so I remain alert, listening for any sound in the dark.
This is one of the ways I experience post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
PTSD is an anxiety disorder caused by very stressful, frightening or distressing events, which are often relived through flashbacks and nightmares. The condition, formerly known as “shellshock”, first came to prominence when men returned from the trenches of World War One having witnessed unimaginable horrors. More than 100 years after the guns of that conflict fell silent, PTSD is still predominantly associated with war and as something largely experienced by men.
But millions of women worldwide develop PTSD not only from fighting on a foreign battlefield – but also from struggling to give birth, as I did. And the symptoms tend to be similar for people no matter the trauma they experienced.
“Women with trauma may feel fear, helplessness or horror about their experience and suffer recurrent, overwhelming memories, flashbacks, thoughts and nightmares about the birth, feel distressed, anxious or panicky when exposed to things which remind them of the event, and avoid anything that reminds them of the trauma, which can include talking about it," says Patrick O’Brien, a maternal mental health expert at University College Hospital and spokesman for the Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists in the UK.
Despite these potentially debilitating effects, postnatal PTSD was only formally recognised in the 1990s when the American Psychiatry Association changed its description of what constitutes a traumatic event. The association originally considered PTSD to be “something outside the range of usual human experience”, but then changed the definition to include an event where a person “witnessed or confronted serious physical threat or injury to themselves or others and in which the person responded with feelings of fear, helplessness or horror”.
This effectively implied that before this change, childbirth was deemed too common to be highly traumatic – despite the life-changing injuries, and sometimes deaths, women can suffer as they bring children into the world. According to the World Health Organization, 803 women die from complications related to pregnancy and childbirth every day.
There are few official figures for how many women suffer from postnatal PTSD, and because of the continued lack of recognition of the condition in mothers, it is difficult to say how common the condition really is. Some studies that have attempted to quantify the problem estimate that 4% of births lead to the condition. One study from 2003 found that around a third of mothers who experience a “traumatic delivery”, defined as involving complications, the use of instruments to assist delivery or near death, go on to develop PTSD.
With 130 million babies born around the world every year, that means that a staggering number of women may be trying to cope with the disorder with little or no recognition.
And postnatal PTSD might not only be a problem for mothers. Some research has found evidence that fathers can suffer it too after witnessing their partner go through a traumatic birth.
Regardless of the exact numbers, for those who go through these experiences, there can be a long-lasting impact on their lives. And the symptoms manifest themselves in many different ways.
"I regularly get vivid images of the birth in my head,” says Leonnie Downes, a mother from Lancashire, UK, who developed PTSD after fearing she was going to die when she developed sepsis in labour. “I constantly feel under threat, like I'm in a heightened awareness.”
Lucy Webber, another woman who developed PTSD after giving birth to her son in 2016, says she developed obsessive behaviours and become extremely anxious. “I’m not able to let my baby out of my sight or let anyone touch him,” she says. “I have intrusive thought of bad things happening to all my loved ones.”
Not all women who have difficult births will develop postnatal PTSD. According to Elizabeth Ford of Queen Mary University of London and Susan Ayers of the University of Sussex, it has a lot to do with a woman’s perception of what they went through.
"Women who feel lack of control during birth or who have poor care and support are more at risk of developing PTSD,” the researchers write.
The stories from women who have developed PTSD after giving birth seem to reflect this.
Stephanie, whose name has been changed to protect her identity, says she was poorly cared for during labour and midwives displayed a lack of empathy and compassion. A particularly difficult labour saw her being physically held down by staff as her son was delivered. “He was born completely blue and taken away to be resuscitated and I was given no information on his condition for hours.”
Medically reviewed by Debra Rose Wilson, Ph.D., MSN, R.N., IBCLC, AHN-BC, CHT — Written by Charlotte Lillis on September 24, 2018
"Many women experience gas during pregnancy. It usually goes away on its own, but home remedies can help ease discomfort and reduce the quantity of gas.
Raised levels of the hormone progesterone relax the intestines during pregnancy. This relaxation slows digestion, making constipation more likely and often leading to bloating, belching, and flatulence.
A woman may also experience more gas during the later stages of pregnancy, when the growing fetus places additional pressure on the abdominal cavity.
While it is impossible to prevent gas during pregnancy, several safe home remedies can reduce gas and relieve discomfort. Many of these prevent constipation, which significantly contributes to gas.
1. Drinking plenty of water
The United States National Academy of Medicine, formerly the Institute of Medicine, recommend that pregnant women drink around 10 cups, or 2.3 liters, of water a day.
Drinking water before or after a meal helps the stomach digest food. Any undigested food passes into the small intestines, where bacteria break it down, producing gas in the process. Staying hydrated can, therefore, help reduce the buildup of gas.
Hydration can also prevent constipation, another cause of gas. When a person is dehydrated, their stool becomes dry and hard. Drinking plenty of water keeps stool soft, helping it pass more easily through the colon.
Also, it is best to sip slowly, rather than gulp. People are more likely to swallow air when they gulp, which can contribute to gas.
2. Avoiding certain drinks
Some people experience gas when they drink beverages containing the following ingredients:
Carbon dioxideCarbon dioxide is a gas in a wide range of drinks, including:
The added sugars or artificial sweeteners in many carbonated drinks can also contribute to intestinal gas.
Fructose is a natural sugar that occurs in most fruits. Manufacturers often add fructose to a variety of desserts and drinks.
Some people are unable to digest fructose. In this case, the sugar can ferment in the large intestine, causing gas and bloating. The medical term for this digestive disorder is fructose malabsorption.
Sorbitol is a low-calorie sugar substitute. However, the body is unable to digest sorbitol. Some people experience abdominal pain, bloating, and gas as a result.
3. Keeping a food diary
During pregnancy, many women choose to eat a more healthful diet. Many healthful foods are rich in fiber, and adding them to the diet can increase the amount of gas in the short term.
Some high-fiber foods also contain complex carbohydrates called oligosaccharides. When bacteria in the gut break down oligosaccharides, they produce nitrogen gas. Some people are more sensitive to this effect than others.
Foods that contain oligosaccharides include:
4. Eating more fiber
Although high-fiber foods can increase gas in the short term, over time they help to reduce constipation, which is a major cause of intestinal gas.
Fiber achieves this by drawing in water and softening stool. This eases its passage through the intestines, speeding digestion and giving gas less time to build up.
If a person is switching to a high-fiber diet, the following strategies can help prevent temporary increases in gas:
By Stephanie Collier, MD, MPH, Contributor
"Pregnancy is an exciting time. You will soon become a parent to an adorable, tiny human. You may expect to experience the rollercoaster of emotions during pregnancy, or emotions may catch you off guard. Some women feel joy at every flutter or kick, marveling at their changing bodies. For other women, pregnancy is hard, giving no reprieve as it brings severe fatigue, mood changes, and constant worries. You may notice that with every passing month, your thoughts are spiraling out of control, affecting your performance at work and your relationships at home. But how do you manage your anxiety, and should you treat it?
What causes anxiety during pregnancy?
Worries during pregnancy are universal. Hormonal changes of pregnancy, prior heartbreaking miscarriages, and sleep difficulties may all contribute to anxiety for mothers-to-be. You may worry about how a baby will affect your relationships with friends or family members, the health of your future child, the delivery experience, or the financial burden of an additional family member. All of these worries are completely normal. For humans, a certain amount of anxiety is protective; how else could we motivate ourselves to complete our work or run away from a bear?
What are the symptoms of anxiety disorders during pregnancy?
Although it’s normal to be worried about the health of your baby, in some cases this worry becomes debilitating and may require further attention. Thoughts about the health of the baby may become obsessive, even when doctors are reassuring. Worries may also appear as physical symptoms, such as a rapid heartbeat, difficulty breathing, or panic attacks. If this is the first time you experience a high level of anxiety, this may be frightening in itself. When anxiety starts to interfere with your day-to-day functioning, relationships, or job performance, it may be classified as an anxiety disorder — if your doctor picks up on it.
Anxiety can occur at any time during pregnancy, or it may first appear after delivery (perinatal anxiety is the term used for anxiety during pregnancy and after delivery). The rates of generalized anxiety disorder appear to be highest in the first trimester, likely due to hormonal changes. The most common symptoms of anxiety include constant worrying, restlessness, muscle tension, irritability, feeling dread, an inability to concentrate, and difficulties falling asleep due to worries. Some women also experience symptoms as a result of other anxiety disorders, including panic disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, or post-traumatic stress disorder.
Unfortunately, two of the most common mental health screening tools in pregnancy (the Edinburgh Postnatal Depression Screen and Generalized Anxiety Disorder 7-item Scale) are not great at detecting anxiety in pregnancy. Although underdiagnosed, anxiety disorders during pregnancy and in the postpartum period are common, and may affect up to one in five women. Many women suffer in silence.
What are the effects of untreated anxiety on the fetus?
When thinking about management of anxiety, it is important to consider both the risks of treatment as well as the harms of untreated anxiety. Although less studied than depression, research suggests that anxiety may negatively affect both the mother and the fetus. Anxiety increases the risk for preterm birth, low birthweight, earlier gestational age, and a smaller head circumference (which is related to brain size).
What are some treatments for anxiety during pregnancy?
Fortunately, there are many treatments that can reduce anxiety during pregnancy and help you feel better. For many women, anti-anxiety medication is not an option during pregnancy, as there is little information on the safety of such medication on the fetus. Some women who had previously taken medications for anxiety may wish to discontinue medications during pregnancy for personal reasons.
Therapies such as cognitive behavior therapy (CBT) demonstrate promise in the peripartum period (the period shortly before, during, and after giving birth). CBT focuses on challenging maladaptive thoughts, emotions, and actions, and it uses anxiety management strategies such as diaphragmatic breathing (adapted to pregnancy).
If your anxiety is severe, medications may be an option for you. Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) are commonly prescribed for depression and anxiety during pregnancy and after delivery. It does not appear that SSRIs are associated with an increased risk of major congenital malformations. However, SSRIs may be associated with transient neonatal symptoms such as jitteriness, tremor, crying, and trouble feeding, which resolve on their own in a few days.
The use of benzodiazepines such as lorazepam (Ativan) and alprazolam (Xanax) during pregnancy has long been a controversial topic. Although older studies showed an association between their use and an increased risk for cleft lip and palate, a more recent study looking at benzodiazepine use during pregnancy did not show this link when these medications were used alone (although there may be an increased risk when combined with antidepressants)."
By: Cindy & James Mindful Relaxation
"Meditation For Pregnancy is a comforting and relaxing meditation that can be done at any time but works best before sleep. It's a super-effective way to reduce anxiety and connect with your baby."
By: Unlock Your Life | December 5, 2017
"These bedtime affirmations are designed for listening in the evening to allow you to close off the day, let go of what has happened today, and let go of any anxiety about what will come. They remind you that you have done enough, have worked hard enough and that you deserve rest. These positive affirmations should allow you to peacefully end the day and transition into sleep, waking more collected and connected in mind, body and spirit the next morning."
By: Red Ted Art | October 18, 2018
"Love Halloween? MUST MAKE Spookie Halloween DIYs from Halloween Room Decor to Halloween Gift Ideas, check out these brilliant Halloween Crafts."
By: Kaiser Permanente | 2021
"Time is valuable for any busy mom. There never seems to be enough of it. And when you think about your priorities, making time for self-care probably falls near the bottom of your list —below work, kids, home, and family.
But if you don’t take time for yourself, you could be doing more harm than good. Stress, exhaustion, burnout, and even illness can take more of a toll when you aren’t getting what you need. So whether you carve out a few minutes for yourself, or a whole day, here are some ideas to get you started:
1. Focus on the physical
2. Give your brain a boost
3. Pamper yourself
4. Find time for your friends
5. Take a leap
Do something big that you’ve never done before, like:
6. Hone your skills
7. Get silly
BY GOOD HOUSEKEEPING EDITORS | Oct 12, 2021
"Halloween comes every year on October 31, but it's not every year that you get to wear a pregnant Halloween costume when it does. If you're expecting a baby when it's time to dress up, lucky you! You get to find a costume that shows off your creativity and your baby bump. These clever maternity costumes make the most of both!
Are you on a budget? All of the items on our list are affordable DIY costumes, because we know you can't reuse them year after year. And in even better news, if you waited until the last minute for your costume — hey, we get it, you're busy getting ready for baby! — most of the items involved are already hanging in your closet. Even if you're not naturally super crafty, most of these maternity Halloween costumes are simple enough that you can tackle the steps without much trouble.
And just in case the stork stops by early or you're already planning ahead for trick-or-treating with a little one in tow next year, check out our best costumes for babies and best family Halloween costumes. (We promise they're just as cute!)"
Source: WebMD Medical Reference | Reviewed by Dan Brennan, MD on March 05, 2021
"What Are Essential Oils?
Essential oils are plant abstracts made by steaming or pressing different parts of a plant to capture the compounds that produce fragrance. It can take several pounds of a plant to produce just one bottle of essential oils.
When evaluating essential oils' effectiveness, research is promising, but the human clinical trials are mixed. Some studies show an improvement for people, while others show no improvement at all.
The most common way essential oils are used during pregnancy is to help treat anxiety, aches, and lack of focus. There are many varieties of oils to choose from. Finding a high-grade quality variety is recommended. It’s also helpful to consult with your doctor before you start using essential oils while pregnant.
Is It Safe to Use Essential Oils While Pregnant?
Essential oils come in different scents and qualities. Certain varieties are safe to use while pregnant while others should be avoided.
Essential oils that are good to use while pregnant:
How to Use Essential Oils Safely
If a doctor or midwife recommends essential oils to help you during pregnancy, use them carefully. A few good tips to keep in mind include:
Safety Risks of Using Essential Oils While Pregnant
Some people may experience an allergic reaction or skin irritation after using essential oils. You're more likely to have a bad reaction if you have atopic dermatitis or a history of reactions to topical products.
Some essential oils that may carry a higher risk of causing an allergic or skin irritation include:
By Melissa Willets | Updated August 22, 2021
"The term rainbow baby may not be familiar to people who haven't experienced a loss. But to those of us who have, it has a very deep and even life-changing significance.
So what is a rainbow baby? It's "a baby born after a miscarriage, stillborn, or neonatal death," says Jennifer Kulp-Makarov, M.D., FACOG. "It's called a rainbow baby because it's like a rainbow after a storm: something beautiful after something scary and dark."
She adds, "It's an extremely emotional and devastating experience to lose a pregnancy [or baby]. To create a life or bring a baby into the world after such a loss is amazing like a miracle for these parents."
I'm currently seven months pregnant with a rainbow baby, and indeed, I feel like I'm walking around with a miracle in my belly. There was a time when I never thought I could feel hopeful again. Just last year, we lost our beloved baby Cara at 23 weeks of pregnancy. The days, weeks, and months after she became our angel baby were the darkest of my life. But soon a dim hope flickered inside my heart, and eventually ignited a flame, that became my desire to try again, in part to honor Cara, and to find meaning in her loss.
Rainbow Babies Can Honor an Angel Baby
Moline Prak Pandiyan, a previous ambassador for March for Babies, March of Dimes Eastern North Carolina, knows this feeling well. She lost her son Niko when he was five months old due to complications related to his premature birth. "Although Niko lost his fight, his spirit lives on, and he continues to inspire many," she explains. Not only is this mama involved in fighting prematurity, but she was also inspired to conceive a rainbow baby.
Not that she previously knew the meaning of the term "rainbow baby." "I remember the feeling that I had when I first heard [it]," says Pandiyan. "It was perfect. I so much wanted to make sure that Niko wasn't forgotten, and the term so eloquently acknowledges the babies who we've lost, while also celebrating the joy of our babies who do survive."
Prak Pandiyan is now a proud mom of a little girl, her rainbow, who truly informs her parenting philosophy. "My husband and I always wondered what life would have been like if our son could be discharged and come home with us," she says. "When we welcomed our rainbow baby into this world, our perspective as parents shifted. Whenever things get hard—feeding challenges, sleeping challenges, mild illnesses—we always make it a point to step back and remember that things could be so much worse."
Parenting a Rainbow Baby May Feel Different
Mama Stephanie Sherrill Huerta, who has one daughter, is also expecting a rainbow baby, via adoption, after several miscarriages and failed adoption attempts. She too acknowledges that parenting her rainbow baby will be different, telling Parents.com, "We will love him a little differently than our daughter because we went through so much grief and pain before meeting him. He will truly be the light at the end of the tunnel, the pot of gold under the rainbow, and the rainbow after our storm."
That same spirit has encouraged me to enjoy my current pregnancy more than before. Morning sickness and heartburn can't take away my gratitude for the chance to carry a healthy baby.
Elizabeth Lorde-Rollins, M.D., MSc, OB-GYN at CareMount Medical says this is normal. "For parents who have experienced the loss of a child, whether that loss occurs before or after birth, the life adjustments associated with pregnancy are accompanied with an acute sense of gratitude even when they are uncomfortable," she notes. "And although most of us have the great fortune of being wanted babies, parents tend to have a special, and in many cases incredibly sharp, sense of being blessed when they are expecting and then giving birth to a baby that follows loss."
By Jessica Zucker, Ph.D. | April 22, 2021
"Elisha M., 31, a clinical research coordinator for oncology clinical trials living in New Jersey, can hardly put into words the joy she felt the moment she held her rainbow baby in her arms. Having previously experienced a pregnancy loss, she says she felt "so grateful and excited" to finally have her baby earthside, healthy and thriving.
But her son was also fussy and hard to soothe, and before the two were discharged from the hospital, Elisha found herself appreciably overwhelmed and crying nonstop. "By the end of the first week with him, I knew the emotions I was having were more than just the 'baby blues,' because I felt like I wanted to give up. I didn't want to be a parent anymore," Elisha tells me. "I loved him so much, but I also wanted out."
According to Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) research, one in eight experience symptoms of postpartum depression (though it's believed the rate is even higher, given the lack of reporting, education, and support resources available to postpartum women). In a country saddled with mental health care and health insurance crises—to say nothing of the pervasive systemic racism within the healthcare system that makes support even more unattainable for Black and brown postpartum people—treatment can be prohibitively expensive, if not completely out of reach.
"By the time I spoke to someone about the way I was feeling, counseling was pretty much off the table for me," Elisha says. "I started to have thoughts of hurting myself." Elisha says she took four to five months off from work so that she could work on herself and be mentally present, and recalls her insurance being billed nearly $1,000 for a single visit to simply speak to a doctor.
"We couldn't necessarily afford for me to be out of work, but my husband really encouraged me to do whatever it was that I felt like I needed and he would figure out everything else," she explains. "It did set us back financially for some time, which I think added another strain on our relationship in addition to the strain postpartum depression was already having on us as a couple."
I wanted to give up. I didn't want to be a parent anymore.
On average, mental health providers practicing in major U.S. cities charge anywhere between $75 to $150 per 45-minute session, though rates in places like New York City, for example, can be upwards of $300 per session. And while costs of certain postpartum depression and anxiety medications can vary widely and depend on insurance coverage, the recent $34,000 price tag for a postpartum depression one-time infusion drug that's said to provide "fast relief" highlights just how expensive the cost of postpartum depression can be—and how unattainable it is for those who are not affluent. In 2017 alone, the cost of maternal depression was an astounding $14.2 billion—an average of $32,000 per mom.
Arden Cartrett, 28, who works in real estate and recently started a miscarriage doula business, says she paid anywhere from $150 to $200 per session with a mental health professional after realizing she was struggling with postpartum depression.
"When my son turned exactly 6 months old, I felt a shift," Cartrett tells me. "I had struggled with anxiety, feeling alone, and worrying about the pandemic, and honestly wasn't sure what would be considered normal or abnormal. Physically and mentally, I felt foggy and was having a really hard time keeping up with life."
Still, due to the high cost of care, Cartrett says she spaced out her therapy sessions—to the detriment of her mental health.
"I do have insurance, but it's a high deductible plan, which means I basically pay out-of-pocket expenses until I reach a certain amount (which is high), so I am having to pay hundreds out of pocket per session which unfortunately limits how often I can use that resource," she explains. "However, medication-wise, I'm on a common medication that is reasonably priced."
Of course, the cost of postpartum depression isn't just limited to a person's finances, nor does it only occur when a person experiences a live birth. In my book I Had a Miscarriage: A Memoir, a Movement, I outline the many costs of postpartum depression that exist with or without a baby in your arms—and those costs are physical, mental, emotional, and financial.
Kayte de la Fuente, 41, a California administrative assistant going to school to become a preschool teacher, says she and her husband have spent upwards of $100,000 between postpartum depression treatment, acupuncture, blood tests, medications, chiropractor visits, and IUI and IVF treatments. She has experienced three pregnancy losses in the last five years.
How does one continue to power through postpartum depression and the various ways it affects a life...while also managing the financial toll?
"It wasn't until we had done more rounds of IUI and having them not work that I really started to recognize the depression that I was in because of that [initial] miscarriage and all of the unsuccessful treatments," de la Fuente tells me. She says that she sought out "unconventional treatments" as well, including a 12-week program provided by a friend of a friend that focuses on finding your inner child, and an infertility support group as well. The program cost $1,200 and the group cost $200 for eight-week sessions—none of which was covered by insurance.
"Of course, because you're looking at all of the bills and you're trying to figure out what your next steps are because you already have all of this financial burden," she says. "Do you keep going?" How does one continue to power through postpartum depression and the various ways it affects a life—symptoms such as mood swings, sadness, anxiety, guilt, loss of interest or pleasure in activities, irritability, restlessness, reduced concentration, feeling overwhelmed, trouble sleeping, or all of the above—while also managing the financial toll?
It's a question anyone who identifies as a parent and who is struggling, whether they've had a live birth or not, has to ask themselves: How do I keep going? Can I keep going? How do I find a way to keep going?"
By Loren Kleinman | May 12, 2021
"The day Lily was born, my husband, Joe, took pictures, murmured soft words, and held her every moment he could. "I want to stay home with her for her first year," he said. "I read it's important for their development."
Luckily, he was able to as he was honorably discharged from the Navy. But despite my three-month maternity leave, I wanted to go back to work.
But when we returned home from the hospital, I unraveled. No time to shower, eat, or pay a bill. Our lives revolved around Lily. Everything I imagined about motherhood exploded. Dreams of gardening with my daughter in a Snugli on my chest were replaced with her unrelenting cries and endless diaper changes.
Yet to Joe, she was just a baby. "What did you think having a baby would be like?" he asked.
"Not like this," I snapped, taking off my spit-up covered shirt and replacing it with a clean one.
It wasn't just the dirty shirt. I had thoughts of hurting myself and my baby, an alarming desire to drive us both off the road. I hated myself for these thoughts, but I hated her more. I hated that she never slept, and resented that I couldn't, either. I hated breastfeeding, which was not magical as I'd pictured, but painful and lonely.
I missed our date nights, coming and going as I pleased, and clean clothes.
Darkness settled over me, unlike any depression I'd experienced. I began experimenting with cutting myself just to feel something other than exhaustion, spending long minutes in the bathroom, my only escape. With each cut came relief from the burden of this new, agonizing life.
"You were in there a long time," Joe teased me.
Low spirited, I replied, "I wish I never had to come out."
He reached out to console me and saw the cuts on my arm. I didn't hide them. I didn't care. But Joe called his therapist, who told him about a clinic for women with postpartum depression.
"He doesn't even know me," I argued.
"You're going," a frazzled Joe said. "Today."
My First Dose of Postpartum Depression Treatment
We arrived to find a room filled with infants, dads, and moms, many of the latter red-faced and crying, while their husbands stood by, holding babies. I was amazed to see so many men like my husband, cradling their little ones, in solidarity with their wives, as the women went one by one to meet with a psychiatrist.
When it was my turn, I looked back at Joe and Lily. A concerned smile dusted his face. "We'll be right here when you're done."
During my intake, I asked flatly, "Will I ever love her?"
"This is a classic postpartum depression question. You will love her," the psychiatrist assured me. "But I have to ask, do you have any plans to kill yourself?"
Without hesitation, I said, "I want to drive off the road." Then I wept.
I wasn't allowed to drive until further notice, and if I didn't abide, the psychiatrist warned, "We'd have to consider hospitalization."
Joe ferried me to and from the clinic every day, no matter how many times he'd been up with Lily the night before. On weekends, Joe tended to me and to Lily, making sure we both ate and slept, as his parents flew out from Washington State to lend a hand, a relief to both of us.
For the first time, I felt some hope.
Every week, I attended weekly dialectical behavior therapy sessions (DBT), learning skills for coping with my anxiety and insomnia like radical acceptance and positive self-talk.
Things Only Got Worse
Then, one night, after Joe put Lily to bed, we sat on our back porch, me with my usual glass of wine, him with his Coke and ice.
"Are you OK?" he asked, as I stared, glassy-eyed, into the trees.
Before coming outside, I'd already washed down a handful of Tylenols, along with sedatives and a few glasses of wine.
"I can't live like this anymore." I paused. "Lily deserves a mom, not me."
Joe sighed and said, "I'm calling the clinic's emergency line."
The therapist on duty advised Joe to bring me to the hospital immediately, even though I protested. But I had no choice. I confessed my desire to kill myself, so I could go voluntarily or in an ambulance.
Joe stayed with me for nine hours in the emergency room, until there was a bed ready in the psychiatric unit. His parents watched Lily at home.
"Please don't let them take me away," I called out to Joe, as a nurse led me to the unit.
"I'll see you in the morning," Joe answered back. "You will be OK."
When he arrived the next day, I pleaded with him to get me out.
"Someone tried to kill themselves last night," I cried. "I don't belong here."
"Can you give it a chance?" he begged.
I sat back in my chair and folded my arms. I resented Joe for bringing me here. At the beginning of our relationship, I'd been the strong one, helping him through his own hardships. But Lily changed everything.
"I have to get back," he said. "Focus on getting better, not getting out."
When Joe leaned in to give me a kiss goodbye, I stopped him. "I want a divorce when this is over," I whispered.
He teared up and said, "You've said some of the meanest things anyone has ever said to me."
I felt no remorse. Before the baby, we never went to bed angry. Now, I loathed him for keeping me here. I was determined to punish him, and I did, lashing out constantly, but he kept visiting and taking my phone calls. He never stopped trying.
I was discharged after five days. Joe and I argued for the entire ride home. When we arrived at the house, I imploded: "I can't take this anymore!"
I threw chairs and baby toys, wailing, and punching the wall. Joe couldn't calm me, so he took Lily and his parents to the farthest part of the house.
The next morning, Joe gave me a choice: "You either go to your parents' house and take a break, or you go back to the hospital."
I chose the first option.
A few days later, Joe called me. "I told my therapist what happened. He called Child Protective Services," he said matter-of-factly.
"They're going to take Lily away?" I asked.
Shocked, I suddenly realized how much I wanted her."
By Paige Glidden | May 07, 2021
"During TheBlueDotProject's Maternal Mental Health Awareness Week, it's time to focus on the mental health of mothers—especially during a life-changing pandemic. The most recognized maternal mental health disorder is postpartum depression, but there are other common mental health concerns to look out for.
Juggling societal and familial expectations is a heavy burden for anyone. But when you add a new baby into the mix (during a pandemic!), it can become overwhelming. Sleepless nights, hormones, and new emotions all feed into overwhelm after the birth of a baby, not to mention that maternal anxiety and depression are the most common complications of childbirth, impacting up to 1 in 5 women.
The first week of May serves as Maternal Mental Health Awareness Week, bringing to light the challenges that moms face and the reality of postpartum depression and anxiety. Maternal Mental Health Disorders (MMHDs) include a range of disorders and symptoms, including depression, anxiety, and psychosis. Although often referred to more commonly as "postpartum depression," there are several different types of postpartum mental health disorders that affect new moms.
Symptoms can occur during pregnancy and/or the postpartum period (together often referred to as the perinatal period). These illnesses can affect anyone—and they are far more common than you'd think. Although an estimated one in five women have a maternal mental health disorder, most cases go undiagnosed, leading experts to believe that the number should be much higher. New parents also experience the baby blues, which is not formally considered an MMHD—up to 80 percent of women suffer from this in the initial two to three days postpartum, according to Bridget Frese Hutchens, Ph.D., CNM, RN, CNL, PHN.
What's worse is that only 30 percent of women who screen positive for depression or anxiety seek or receive treatment. When left untreated these disorders can cause devastating consequences for moms, babies, families and communities. The good news is that risk for both depression and anxiety can be reduced (and sometimes even prevented), and with treatment, women can recover.
It can be hard to identify some of the symptoms of postpartum mental health challenges, but it's worth paying attention to. Here are five types of maternal mental health conditions to look out for:
Common Maternal Mental Health Disorders
1. Postpartum Depression
Pregnancy and Postpartum Depression (PPD) is a mood disorder that can begin during pregnancy or in the first three weeks after having a baby, according to ACOG, the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists. Symptoms can range from mild sadness, trouble concentrating, or difficulty finding joy in once-loved activities to severe depression, and mothers with pre-existing depression prior to or during pregnancy are more likely to experience postpartum depression, according to The Blue Dot Project. While there is no single cause for PPD, experts attribute it to the drop in hormones estrogen and progesterone following childbirth and general stressors which increase during pregnancy and the postpartum period. With proper mental health care, PPD is treatable and the risk of severe depression can also be prevented.
2. Dysthymia, Persistent Depressive Disorder
Dysthymia is defined as a low mood occurring for at least two years, along with at least two other symptoms of depression. According to the Mayo Clinic, people with dysthymia may lose interest in normal daily activities, feel hopeless, or have overall feelings of inadequacy. Women with pre-existing dysthymia may be at a higher risk for severe symptoms/depression during the perinatal period, according to The Blue Dot Project.
3. Pregnancy and Postpartum General Anxiety
It might seem normal to worry before or after having a baby, but if your anxiety is more than just the baby blues and you can't get these worries out of your brain, you might be suffering from pregnancy or postpartum related generalized anxiety . Around 10 percent of women will develop anxiety during pregnancy or after childbirth, according to the American Pregnancy Association. Anxiety is treatable during pregnancy and postpartum.
Symptoms often include restlessness, racing heartbeat, inability to sleep, extreme worry about the "what if's"—questions like "what if my baby experiences SIDS" or "what if my baby has autism," and extreme worry about not being a good parent or being able to provide for her family, according to The Blue Dot Project."
By Sydney Daniello, Programs Intern at Mental Health America | June 01, 2020
"Routines have a bad reputation of being dull, boring ruts we fall into over time. But a lot of routines can actually be really helpful for maintaining both our physical and mental wellbeing. And now that many of our normal routines have been disrupted, it’s become more important than ever to establish routines to keep us healthy, happy and - well - sane.
I, for one have been having a tough time setting up and sticking to any routine other than waking up every morning and silently screaming into the void. So, I asked my coworkers here at MHA about what kinds of routines have been helpful to them for maintaining their wellbeing during these ~unprecedented times~
Here’s a list of what they said (summarized, not all direct quotes):
By: Lindsay Dolak | Editor at Aaptiv | August 6, 2020
"No matter how fit you were before and even during pregnancy, postpartum exercise presents a unique set of challenges. Your body is still healing from delivery, and with a newborn in the house, you might be feeling more tired than ever. But finding time to fit in fitness is amazing for both your body and mind—it can be just what you need to get back to feeling like your pre-pregnancy self. No, we’re not talking about “getting your body back.” We’re talking about a boost to your energy, self-confidence and physical strength. Plus, you’re bound to sleep better too. Do we have your attention now? Here, two trainers from Aaptiv—a fitness app offering trainer-led, music-driven audio workouts—break down why you should start a postnatal fitness routine, and how to do it.
Benefits of Postpartum Exercise
Postnatal exercise brings a host of positive benefits to your body, but also for your mood and stress levels. Fitness not only helps your body heal but also provides an outlet to recenter and focus on yourself—something that might feel a bit out of reach now that you’re caring for another tiny human. “Postpartum exercise gives moms back that feeling of being in control,” says Aaptiv trainer Candice Cunningham, an ACE-certified personal trainer and Fit For Birth pre- and post-natal corrective exercise specialist. “It’s a huge stress-reliever and also gives new moms something to really focus on for themselves.”
Aaptiv trainer and mom Jaime McFaden, an ACE-certified pre- and post-natal fitness specialist and health coach, agrees, adding that consistent exercise post-baby provides a huge boost in not only physical strength, but mental strength as well. “You just went through so many changes—things have shifted. Exercise helps you heal from the inside out,” she says.
In addition to the many mental and emotional benefits, postnatal fitness can lead to weight loss, improved strength (carrying around a baby all the time is no joke), better sleep and more balanced hormones—a must after nine months of ups and downs.
When to Start Postpartum Exercise
First things first: Don’t jump into a postpartum exercise routine without your doctor’s approval. Many doctors recommend waiting six to eight weeks after birth before starting trying any type of exercise, but it often varies. Some women may experience complications during pregnancy or labor that might set them back a few more weeks. For example, a mother who had a vaginal birth will likely have a different timeline than one who had a c-section. And others may even be able to work out sooner than six weeks.
According to McFaden, working out during pregnancy may help when it comes time to start exercising again. “Your body’s muscle memory will kick in and you’ll have an easier time getting back into it after birth,” she says. “You still want to give your body time to recover, though. Never push yourself too hard post-baby. Patience is key.”
No matter what, it’s crucial to work with your doctor to find out exactly when is right for you and your body. “Every mom is different and it’s important to pay attention to stresses the body may undergo post-pregnancy,” Cunningham says. “A doctor will be able to check for an indication of diastasis recti (the separation of the abdominals) and be able to recommend the appropriate physical work to heal that or any other side effects of childbirth.”
There’s no real reason to rush back into exercising early anyways. In fact, it can cause you more harm than good down the line. It might be hard for women used to high intensity workouts or long runs, but taking it slow is key.
When you’re ready, start by adding walking and low-impact bodyweight exercises at first. Aaptiv’s fourth trimester program meets new moms where they are and focuses on building back up to regular workouts. It covers core, strength training, outdoor walking and elliptical, and places special emphasis on healing the pelvic floor muscles and not aggravating a diastasis recti—both of which are crucial for new moms with recovering bodies. Don’t worry, you’ll gradually work your way back to sprints and burpees in no time.
Best Postpartum Workouts
Before you starting working out again, it’s important to temper your expectations. Your body is different now and you won’t immediately be as strong as you once were. Start with simple, functional exercises you can ultimately build on. To get you started, we asked McFaden and Cunningham to share some of their favorite postpartum exercises to work your entire body."
By Alex Arpaia and Dorie Chevlen | Updated May 3, 2021
"Mothers come in all shapes and sizes and ages and attitudes. Some moms run marathons, others run companies, and still others run around town, ferrying offspring from their violin lessons to tae kwon do classes to softball practice. Some still have a house full of kids; others are now empty nesters. But these mothers all have something in common: They have at least one person (be it a child, a co-parent, or an admirer) who owes them a great big thank-you, coupled with a thoughtful gift, for everything they do. Perhaps that person is you? If so, it’s time to get on it."
"Time management is a big concern for mothers these days. Between kids’ activities, household responsibilities and, for many, the demands of a stressful workplace, many mothers have given up on the fight to find time for themselves and are just trying to get everything done. The following time management tips can be used by busy moms everywhere to take some of the stress out of life, and create more time for fun times with children, quality time with their partner, or even that coveted and nearly forgotten alone time.
It’s been said that an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, and nowhere is this adage more applicable than when discussing time management tips for moms. Simply being organized can eliminate stress from forgotten appointments, double-booking, lost homework, and many other stress traps that busy moms face.
What does it mean for a mom to ‘be organized,’ and to what extent is this even possible? If you focus on a few key areas of organization, a little work can go a long way. In a nutshell, being organized with your schedule, with your house, and with your discipline strategy is one of the best time management tips you can get. And this may seem like a lot, but once you have a few plans and systems in place, if you set a regular time to check-in with these plans (like, if you look over each day's plans the night before and always remember to keep things on a calendar), it will be far easier to maintain a comfortable level of organization.
Yes, when they come to us, they are so sweet and helpless, we end up doing everything for them, and these habits are difficult to break. But then we have their children and realize that it’s impossible for one person to do it all.
While it’s tempting to cover all household responsibilities yourself (to ensure that everything is done quickly and correctly), putting some effort into getting partners and children to pitch in can really pay off in the long run.
Multitask—but Only When Appropriate
Multitasking was once praised as the time management tip to top all-time management tips. (Imagine: Getting twice as much done in a day.) Then people started seeing that multitasked projects weren’t completed as accurately, and suddenly ‘staying focused on one thing’ became the new time management fad. How about a compromise? Pair mindless tasks with focus-dependent ones when it’s appropriate. For example, you can make business calls while taking your daily walk (don’t forget exercise as an important stress reliever), or quiz your kids on test questions while you clean the kitchen. But if you feel more harried than helped, it’s time to shelve the multitasking for a bit.
Learn When to Say No
Learning to say ‘no’ to people’s requests may be an obvious time management tip for moms, but that doesn’t make it an easy one. Mothers encounter many different worthy requests for their time and attention, that saying no will often disappoint someone. However, what we don’t always realize is that when we say ‘yes’ too much, people also get disappointed because we can’t do our best when we’re spread too thin. That’s why it’s important to look at your priorities and learn to say no to time demands that aren’t absolutely necessary."
By: Elizabeth Scott, MS | Fact checked by Sean Blackburn on June 24, 2020
"From giving an important presentation at work to attending a party by yourself, there are countless situations that can be impacted by negative thoughts. Whether or not you have a diagnosed panic disorder, it's easy to get distracted by negativity and fears that can lead to a downward spiral of emotions.
In order to move forward, it's important to swap negativity with rational, positive thoughts.1 This shift can come to you more easily and automatically with practice, eventually shaping new thinking habits and strides toward recovery.
How to Ease Stress With Affirmations
Here are some ways to use positive affirmations to manage stress, particularly when dealing with anxiety at the same time.
Identify and Stop Negative Thoughts
First, learn to identify negative thoughts so you can nix the negativity as soon as it enters your mind. For example, if you found yourself thinking, "I'm going to look stupid if I go to that party alone," identify the negative thought and correct yourself in the moment.
Consciously decide to reframe and move your thoughts into a more positive direction.2 Remind yourself that others will likely be arriving alone, that people are looking forward to seeing you, and that you will probably have a good time. These thoughts can help put you in a better frame of mind.
Use Positive Affirmations
You may find it helpful to learn positive affirmations ahead of time so you're prepared when triggering situations occur. Consider the following options for common scenarios.
When faced with a situation that generates fear, such as traveling or meeting new people, try repeating positive affirmations that acknowledge your negative thoughts or emotions and let them go:
Managing your anxiety or panic disorder can be particularly difficult in times of stress, such as when you need to give a presentation in public or will be going to a networking event at work. While you may be tempted to call out sick or avoid the situation altogether, that can be harmful to you and your career. Instead, remind yourself of these affirmations:
Sometimes positive thinking can be taken too far, so it's important to remain grounded. When positive affirmations become unrealistic, they can actually trigger more anxiety as your subconscious mind notes that the ideas aren't realistic.3 You can find yourself more stressed if you start convincing yourself that you can do things you're not prepared for, and the reality of failure hits hard.
Notice that the examples given above focus on realistic and true statements that are also positive. These include what you will gain, what you have accomplished in the past, and what you will realistically achieve."
"COVID-19 has caused a spike in post-traumatic stress among pregnant and postpartum women, internet-delivered cognitive behavioral therapy may help make treatment more accessible and less expensive for kids with social anxiety disorder, and other mental health news from spring 2021.
Pregnant Women Are More Vulnerable to Mental Health Problems Due to the COVID-19 Pandemic
What’s New Pregnant and postpartum women in 64 countries, including the United States, have been experiencing a higher level of symptoms of post-traumatic stress, depression, anxiety, and loneliness as a result of the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic, according to a study published in April 2021 in PLOS One. Factors that put women at the greatest risk were worrying about their children and medical care, as well as seeking information about the pandemic at least five times a day from any source, whether online searches or talking to others.
Research Details Nearly 6,900 pregnant and postpartum women from around the world participated in an online survey advertised on social media and online parenting forums. The survey found that 43 percent of women demonstrated higher levels of post-traumatic stress, 31 percent of women experienced more symptoms of depression and anxiety, and 53 percent of women had high levels of loneliness. Other key findings:
Why It Matters Psychological distress during pregnancy and after birth can negatively impact both mothers’ and their children’s health. “We know that maternal mental health has adverse effects on a range of outcomes for the offspring — for example, infant outcomes, mother-infant bonding, and later offspring physical and behavioral health,” says study author Karestan Koenen, PhD, a professor of psychiatric epidemiology at the Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health in Boston, adding that helpful ways to care for mental health could include:
Mental health screening among pregnant and postpartum women is also key, but efforts shouldn’t stop there, says study author Archana Basu, PhD, a research scientist at the Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health.
“In addition to screening and monitoring mental health symptoms, addressing potentially modifiable factors such as excessive information seeking and women’s worries about access to medical care and their children’s well-being, and developing strategies to target loneliness such as online support groups, should be part of intervention efforts for perinatal women,” says Dr. Basu."
By: Heather Marcoux | September 02, 2021
"Labor Day began in the 1800s because factory workers were tired of working 70 hours a week. Here we are 200 years later and surveys still show that mothers report working nearly 100 hours a week, and don't get days off. And it's just getting worse.
Before the pandemic moms were tired and burned out. Now, we're desperate. According to the 2020 World Economic Forum the COVID-19 pandemic has resulted in women around the world losing paid work hours while taking on more unpaid work.
Studies show the pandemic has resulted in moms working fewer hours in paid roles while dads have only reduced their hours by a statistically insignificant amount. We know millennial mothers are almost three times more likely than millennial fathers to report being unable to work due to a day care or school closure.
"Considering women already shouldered a greater burden for child care prior to the pandemic, it's unsurprising the demands are now even greater," says Gema Zamarro, senior economist at the University of Southern California's Center for Economic and Social Research. "While men are more likely to die from infection by COVID-19, overall the pandemic has had a disproportionately detrimental impact on the mental health of women, particularly those with kids."
Why the work of parenting is even more unequal during a pandemic
Today's mothers are spending more time doing paid work than previous generations did, but we're also spending more time on childcare. Today's fathers, too, are spending more time on childcare than previous generations, but there is a big difference in how moms and dads in heterosexual partnerships spend time with their kids.
This can be seen in the aftermath of COVID-19: In a 2020 study that looked at dual‐earner, heterosexual married couples with children, researchers found "the greater childcare and family demands brought on by day care and school closures throughout the pandemic appear to have caused a major reduction in work hours for mothers." Dads aren't seeing reduced work hours but are seeing the benefit of more time with their kids. Nearly 70% of fathers in the United States felt closer to their children during the pandemic than they did before the pandemic, according to research from Harvard. Meanwhile, pregnant women and moms with young children reported 3 to 5 times more anxiety and depression symptoms.
Why are dads happier now while moms are more stressed? It's in part because mothers are more likely to be doing unpaid care work while spending time with the children—the bathing, the cleaning, the feeding—while research finds that fathers' time with kids is more often spent on play and leisure activities.
If you're a dad, it might seem like having a spouse who does most of the household labor is a good deal (and a growing body of research does prove that fathers are happier parents than mothers) but the research also shows that dads want to be more than the fun, weekend guy because while care work is incredibly undervalued and unequal it can also incredibly fulfilling (if the carer is also allowed to rest).
Mom doing all the drudge work and handing out snacks while dad is at the office (or locked in his home office) sounds like an outdated notion, and that's because it is. When researchers at Boston College surveyed professional fathers in 2015, they found fewer than 5% of the fathers saw themselves as just a financial provider. The survey found most fathers believed they should share their children's caregiving equally with their spouses (but only about 30% said they were actually doing that)."
"Anyone who's ever had a professional massage knows that both body and mind feel better afterwards — and the same goes for prenatal massage, which can feel extra wonderful when extra weight and changes in posture stir up new aches and pains.
Here’s everything moms-to-be need to know about getting a massage during pregnancy.
What is a prenatal massage?
Prenatal massages are adapted for the anatomical changes you go through during pregnancy. In a traditional massage, you might spend half the time lying face-down on your stomach (which is not possible with a baby belly) and half the time facing up (a position that puts pressure on a major blood vessel that can disrupt blood flow to your baby and leave you feeling nauseous).
But as your shape and posture changes, a trained massage therapist will make accommodations with special cushioning systems or holes that allow you to lie face down safely, while providing room for your growing belly and breasts. Or you might lie on your side with the support of pillows and cushions.
Can pregnant women get massages?
Prenatal massages are generally considered safe after the first trimester, as long as you get the green light from your practitioner and you let your massage therapist know you’re pregnant. But you’ll want to avoid massage during the first three months of pregnancy as it may trigger dizziness and add to morning sickness.
Despite myths you might have heard, there’s is no magic eject button that will accidentally disrupt your pregnancy, and there isn't much solid scientific proof that specific types of massage can have an effect one way or the other. Some massage therapists avoid certain pressure points, including the one between the anklebone and heel, because of concern that it may trigger contractions, but the evidence on whether massage actually can kickstart labor is inconclusive (to nonexistent).
It is a good idea to avoid having your tummy massaged, since pressure on that area when you're pregnant can make you uncomfortable.
If you are in the second half of your pregnancy (after the fourth month), don't lie on your back during your massage; the weight of your baby and uterus can compress blood vessels and reduce circulation to your placenta, creating more problems than any massage can cure.
And don’t expect deep tissue work on your legs during a prenatal massage. While gentle pressure is safe (and can feel heavenly!), pregnant women are particularly susceptible to blood clots, which deep massage work can dislodge. That, in turn, can be risky. On other body parts, the pressure can be firm and as deep or as gentle as you’d like. Always communicate with your therapist about what feels good — and if something starts to hurt."
"Infertility is difficult to live with. That said, sometimes, we make things harder on ourselves. Not intentionally or consciously, of course. We may not know it can be any other way. Or we just don't realize we're self-sabotaging ourselves.
Here are some things you should stop doing if you are fertility challenged, so you can start living a better, fuller life.
1. Stop Blaming Yourself
Maybe you waited "too long" to start a family. Maybe something foolish you did as a college student has wreaked havoc with your fertility. Maybe you wonder if that year you decided to live on only fast food wasn't the brightest idea.
Or, perhaps you have no idea what could possibly have led to your current fertility woes. But you're sure it's something you could have stopped had you only known better.
You need to stop blaming yourself. Even if you can find a way to somehow make it "your fault," you should still stop blaming yourself. It doesn't help. It just depresses you.
Plus, most cases of infertility are either not preventable or not predictable. You really can't know if you had done something different whether you'd be a Fertile Myrtle or not. Drop the blame, and focus on what's most important now--moving forward and tackling the problem.
2. Stop Waiting for a Miracle
If you have been trying to conceive for more than a year (or more than six months, if you're over 35), and you have not succeeded, it's time to see a doctor. Some couples decide this advice isn't really for them, though. It's for those other people. You know, the infertile ones. They decide to keep trying on their own and pray for a miracle.
Here's the problem with that thinking: There are some causes of infertility that worsen with time. While you pray for your miracle, your chances may be quickly disappearing.
There's nothing wrong with deciding to keep trying and wait on treatment, or even deciding not to pursue fertility treatment in the end. But you shouldn't avoid fertility testing. At least find out what is wrong and what your options may be.
Get checked out, both you and your partner, and confirm that whatever is wrong can wait. Then, if you want, set a "miracle waiting" period. Speak to your doctor about how long they think you can try without losing valuable time.
3. Stop Feeling Hopeless
A diagnosis of infertility can hit a person hard. Sometimes, it's difficult to see past the next couple of days or weeks. You may feel hopeless, certain that you will never conceive or that your life will never be happy.
If you can't conceive a biological child, maybe you can use an embryo donor, egg donor, or sperm donor. If you can't use donor gametes, maybe you can adopt. If you can't adopt, remember that people can live childfree and have happy, normal lives.
To be clear, these other possibilities don't magically make the pain go away. You will need time for grieving and healing from the trauma of infertility.
However, when you start to wonder if you will never have a child, or when you start to think your life is ruined, try as best as you can to hold onto at least a sliver of hope. There is life after infertility. Please remember that.
While it's possible you won't conceive, you'll feel better if you can keep your thoughts focused on the positive possibilities. Low-tech treatments work for many couples. Your chances for success may be better than you think. Speak to your doctor about your particular prognosis.
4. Stop Acting Helpless
Most couples are extremely pro-active in their care. But not everyone realizes they are the decision makers.
To the couples whose doctors tell them they are "too young," despite trying for over a year...
To the couples whose fertility clinics refused to try IVF with their own eggs because their chances aren't great, not realizing that the clinic probably doesn't want to "ruin" their track record with a risk...
To the women whose doctors won't test or treat them until they lose weight, but leave it to them to figure out how exactly to do so...
You are not as helpless as it seems. If the doctor you're seeing refuses to run an evaluation, go find a new doctor. If a clinic turns you down because your chances are "too low," seek out a second opinion.
If your doctor tells you to lose weight, be sure they evaluate and treat any hormonal imbalances that may make losing weight difficult, and ask for a referral to a nutritionist.
Maybe go get a second opinion on whether you really need to lose weight first.
You have so much more power than you realize. Don't be afraid to stand up for yourself.
4. Stop Living in Two-Week Increments
This is a basic one but so common it deserves special mention. When you're trying to conceive, your life can easily fall into two-week increments: the two weeks you wait for ovulation, followed by the two weeks you wait to take a pregnancy test.
The worst part about this is there are no breaks; there's no anxiety-free time when you're anxious about ovulating or anxious about feeling pregnant.
While it's unrealistic to think you'd be able to just drop all the fretting, you should at least try to live beyond the two-week wait craziness. You may need the support of friends, a support group, or a counselor to learn how. But it's possible.
4. Stop Basing Self-Worth on Fertility
Infertility can make you feel worthless. Broken. Ashamed. These are all very common feelings, experienced by men and women who live with infertility.
Before you started trying to conceive, before you ever realized you faced infertility, you probably felt different about yourself—hopefully more positive. You need to remember that the old you is still there. You don't become someone else when you're diagnosed with infertility.
If you were awesome and lovable before infertility, then you're just as awesome and lovable after. If you doubt this, think about what you'd say to a friend who told you they felt ashamed and worthless because of their infertility. You probably wouldn't say to them, "Yep, you're right. You're worthless!" No way.
You know it's not true of a friend, and you need to understand it's also not true of yourself. You are so much more than your fertility."
Written by Matthew Thorpe, MD, PhD and Rachael Link, MS, RD — Medically reviewed by Marney A. White, PhD, MS — Updated on October 27, 2020
"Meditation is the habitual process of training your mind to focus and redirect your thoughts.
The popularity of meditation is increasing as more people discover its many health benefits.
You can use it to increase awareness of yourself and your surroundings. Many people think of it as a way to reduce stress and develop concentration.
People also use the practice to develop other beneficial habits and feelings, such as a positive mood and outlook, self-discipline, healthy sleep patterns, and even increased pain tolerance.
This article reviews 12 health benefits of meditation.
1. Reduces stress
Stress reduction is one of the most common reasons people try meditation.
One review concluded that meditation lives up to its reputation for stress reduction.
Normally, mental and physical stress cause increased levels of the stress hormone cortisol. This produces many of the harmful effects of stress, such as the release of inflammatory chemicals called cytokines.
These effects can disrupt sleep, promote depression and anxiety, increase blood pressure, and contribute to fatigue and cloudy thinking.
In an 8-week study, a meditation style called “mindfulness meditation” reduced the inflammation response caused by stress.
Furthermore, research has shown that meditation may also improve symptoms of stress-related conditions, including irritable bowel syndrome, post-traumatic stress disorder, and fibromyalgia.
2. Controls anxiety
Meditation can reduce stress levels, which translates to less anxiety.
A meta-analysis including nearly 1,300 adults found that meditation may decrease anxiety. Notably, this effect was strongest in those with the highest levels of anxiety.
Also, one study found that 8 weeks of mindfulness meditation helped reduce anxiety symptoms in people with generalized anxiety disorder, along with increasing positive self-statements and improving stress reactivity and coping.
Another study in 47 people with chronic pain found that completing an 8-week meditation program led to noticeable improvements in depression, anxiety, and pain over 1 year.
What’s more, some research suggests that a variety of mindfulness and meditation exercises may reduce anxiety levels.
For example, yoga has been shown to help people reduce anxiety. This is likely due to benefits from both meditative practice and physical activity.
Meditation may also help control job-related anxiety. One study found that employees who used a mindfulness meditation app for 8 weeks experienced improved feelings of well-being and decreased distress and job strain, compared with those in a control group.
3. Promotes emotional health
Some forms of meditation can lead to improved self-image and a more positive outlook on life.
For example, one review of treatments given to more than 3,500 adults found that mindfulness meditation improved symptoms of depression.
Similarly, a review of 18 studies showed that people receiving meditation therapies experienced reduced symptoms of depression, compared with those in a control group.
Another study found that people who completed a meditation exercise experienced fewer negative thoughts in response to viewing negative images, compared with those in a control group.
Furthermore, inflammatory chemicals called cytokines, which are released in response to stress, can affect mood, leading to depression. A review of several studies suggests meditation may also reduce depression by decreasing levels of these inflammatory chemicals."
"This 10 minute mindful meditation will give you the mental clarity and space necessary to ground yourself with beautiful focus and set your day on the perfect track for success and fulfillment."