"I love my baby, but I wish I had my own life back": the ambivalence of new motherhood

It's normal to miss your "old life"

By Alexander Sacks, MD + Catherine Birndorf, MD

It's completely normal to miss the "old life" you had prior to having children. Unfortunately, many mothers carry guilt and shame about these thoughts and feelings. Dr. Sacks and Birndorf share how to challenge these unhealthy thought patterns.

Motherhood, like all complex experiences, is a mix of both positive and negative.

Ambivalence comes up when you find your attention is pushed away from your baby to care for yourself and others in your life, and you don’t know how to make it all work.

Guilt, like ambivalence and worry, may be an inherent state of motherhood.

Whenever you identify that you’re feeling shame, realize this: Feeling bad about an experience does not make you a bad person.

No matter how much you love your baby, there may be times when you feel like her servant.

Many of our patients have unrealistic expectations about what they can accomplish with a baby.

Many of our patients have unrealistic expectations about what they can accomplish with a baby.

We recommend you look for small, discrete tasks that you can accomplish with little struggle.

Experienced mothers will say: Get comfortable with things being messy (figuratively and literally).

Trust us: most new mothers believe that other moms are “doing it better.”

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